I Dont Do Too Well On My Own

The Twenty-Sixth Chapter

"I didnt think you would actually be... You..." Joe says. "You see, I had a much more adventurous story to believe of what you did when you disappeared each night."

He sits down in front of me.

"One night you would leave and become a drug dealer, the next you visit an old lady on her death bed..."

I was Joes image of danger.

"When you left with Patrick you would both go skinny dipping or climbing mountains. Just by looking at you, you look like an adventurous person."

Joe used me to fulfil his idea of what he wanted to be. He metaphorically lived through what he thought I was.

"Then there were hints about you running away. I saw your poster and got scared. Im not ready to skydive or white water raft. I didnt want you to ruin what we have now. I wanted continuity."

How could I be portrayed as someone dangerous and scary?

"One night I stayed awake the whole night and thought about what would happen if the police came, because of you. Thats not the point though, I blew it out of proportion and Im sorry. I get you now. I see that youre actually a great person."

"Yeah, I mean, I could thank you for that. I dont really need to hide anymore. So, I accept your apology... If that was one."

Joe leans forward and wraps me clumsily in his arms. He leans over me in a hug like a small child.

Suddenly the weight changes and we fall back, still clinging onto each other.

Its like a movie. Our mouths open for flies, laughter streaming out. You can hear it echo in your ears, almost eerily, as there is nothing else, only laughter.

We topple onto the floor and laugh at out foolishness.

"Glad youre friends now." Andy grins from the doorway.

"Youre telling me!" I laugh.

Jump to when Joe is posing. His pose is the most extravagant. His hand on his hip and other hovering mid air.

I slowly paint the snail trail line around the shadow. It seems more decisive, my lines that is. Joe seems beaming energy around the room and Pete is writing lyrics in the corner.

"Do you think... Do you think the shocking will work?" I ask Patrick.

"I assume so, its professional." Patrick replies.

"I cant thank you enough for all that youve done for me. I dont even know where Id be without you. How will I ever pay you back?"

"Youve improved us all as people, some more than others. That is pay enough! Youve flipped my world... In a good way."

Our paintbrushes connect at Joes hip.

I improved some people in a way that isnt sex. Thats good.

"Ive lost count on how many days sober, but its been a while." I say.

"Youve done crazily good. It took me a hospital appointment to stop me." Joe laughs.

"But youve stopped now?"

"Yeah, detoxed to the max."

Detox just to retox.

"Fresh as a daisy."

For some reason I cant see Joe as a daisy.

"What is your new current obsession then?" I ask.

"Music." Everyone replies at once.

Their words lap over each other, like waves on the shore.

"Im actually working on a song or two here." Pete says, looking up from his page.

"You are?" Theres an invisible glimmer in my eye.

Fall out boy? New music? Thats always a good sign.

"We could train you to write songs, that would be funny!" Joe laughs.

"That would be crazy." I say.

My favourite band teaching me to write songs.

"Id love you to."

Joes swirls are in his hair and his smile.

The four of them stand tall on the wall. They look like giants. They concurred the wall. They are the kings. But theres one space left. With it empty, there is a small hole in the heart of the painting.

"Hey, Jesse, we have to go. We can add finishing touches later." Patrick says, his hand hovering on my back.