I Dont Do Too Well On My Own

The Fifty-Fith Chapter

Jump forward past the quiet jealousy.

Jump past all the little looks shared with Pete.

Jump past me still wanting Patrick.

As I said, I only want what I cant have.

You dont want to know what happened in that time.

This one night, no night in particular, made it all temporary.

Its 3am when he knocks on my door.

"What do you want?" I sigh.

He opens the door. He is crying. His shoulders hunched over. His hands helplessly hovering.

"Patrick what the hell is going on?"

He comes over and sits on my bed, falling into my arms.

His usually strong frame shudders in my arms. He clings onto me like a last hope. Patrick never cries.

"Pat?" I try again.

My hand finds its way to his head, slowly caressing it. His heavy sobs shake the whole bed.

I give up asking.

Its nice to feel his arms around me again. Even if its in this situation.

I lift his face up with my fingers so he looks at me, his eyes are grey and watery. Big shiny tears wash down his face and his lip shudders. Ive never really seen Patrick cry.

He buries his head on my shoulder and tightens his arms around me. Its like he is my seat belt.

"Hey, Pat. This wont get better unless you explain whats going on." I say softly.

He breathes heavily.

"W-w-why did I- w-w-h- I c-" He tries.

"Or we could give you a moment to calm down." I smooth his hair down.

I take my fingers and wipe under his eyes slowly. I clear the tears from his face slowly and carefully.

"Pat, we can work it out, its all going to be okay."

You can bet Im enjoying this after blank for god-knows how long.

"I-I never meant to- to do any of this." He starts. "I just- I just wanted to be remembered. I wanted to be- to be- to be- part of more peoples lives. Im going to die quietly and unknown." He sobs.

I sit silently, rubbing slow circles of his back.

"Shes such a great person and- and I used her!"

His chest throbs.

"Im just the man on the b-balcony singing n-nobody is going to remember me-e."

I feel sorry for him in some ways. But in others... Well.

"I want to make the best of my life. B-but Im just- Im just using people! Sh-she broke up with m-me. B-but its okay... I never really love-loved her."

I dont know how to reply to him, so I just hold him.

"Im such a bad person."

He seems so hopeless. I feel hopeless watching him.

"Youre not, youre acting out of fear." I whisper.

I rock him quietly, attempting to calm him.

"Its over now. Just live your life and let things happen. Its better to be remembered by your friends than your fans."

Slowly I talk to him until he is comatose enough to fall asleep.

I lie us down slowly, me still holding him in my arms. His arms are still around me. I watch as he slowly falls asleep, caressing his back.

"Goodnight Patrick." I whisper.

He mumbles something, closing his eyes and falling asleep.

I pull the cover over us and smile.

Night Patrick.