I Dont Do Too Well On My Own

The Thirty-Seventh Chapter

"This is the other part of my miserable-ass story. The bit that is boring compared to the whirlwind of now. It links me to this guy." I point at Zack.

Now, Patrick thinks he knows everything about me. He is wrong.

"I had this friend called Sydney and she was great. She built some of this rickety old structure."

I point to myself.

"And then one day she decided to go and die on me. She left me with no signs or anything. And let me tell you it sucked."

I take a breath.

"Suddenly my friend count was... Zero, and my life was a bit shit. So. If you add in the morals I had at the time, and the sudden death of the reason I got out of bed on the weekends together... You get Jessica restarting."

I swallow, hard. Both Zack and Patrick are frozen solid.

"So. Midnight. It was midnight and I left with what I could carry. That was it, I was gone. And then this life began. Honestly, it wasnt much better until a month or two ago..."

Im fiddling with my hands.

"I think thats the full story... For Patrick that is."

My hands click.

"This has been more effective then that actual therapy session."

I lie down on my back and close my eyes. If you focus on breathing you can forget.

"But thats the past and Im here to live the future."

I let us fall into silence.

That afternoon the guys are practicing new songs.

"This one we still are getting a name for but right now its called Jesses song." Patrick tells me through the mic.

I pretend to be a crazy fangirl screaming in the audience. I dont really need to pretend.

Joe starts strumming, his hair flies around. Pete adds his bass. Andy his drums. The band is doing what they do. What can I say?

I can hear my lyrics and its actually really exciting.

"We need a backing vocal." Patrick says about half way through the song.

And they all look at me.

I laugh. I laugh like its the best joke ever.

And it is.

I can hold about 3 notes. They assume, because I like music, that I can sing.

"You looking at me?" I gasp in between laughter fits.

They are.

"Oh wow, you are delusional."

"Just try? For now. Fill in." Patrick begs.

Theyre begging me. This is hysterical.

I stand next to Patrick and lean into the mic.

"You know how it goes, right?" Patrick big eyes stare at me.

This is ridiculous.

"I keep telling myself." Patrick sings.

"I keep telling myself." I copy him.

I mean, Im that bad. Im just nothing special.

"But you got me thinking it." We sing together.

We stand close, sharing the same microphone. I can feel his breath reflect off the mic and he can probably feel mine.

"Im not the desperate type!" I sing as well as I can.

You cant say I didnt try.

I look up from the mic at Patrick. His face contorts as he sings and hits every note.

"I dont do too well on my own." I continue.

He flashes me a smile at his part and watches me whilst he sings. I think he is thinking about earlier.

Theres a section of las. It gives time for Joe to start some sort of solo.

Slowly the song comes to an end. Honestly, It wasnt that bad.

"How did I do?" I ask.

"I mean... Well..." They struggle.

"Its hilarious how you all thought I am such great singer."

"You can hold a note or two." Patrick tries. "I mean, it wasnt bad but..."

"Even I know I shouldnt be singing."

"We should call up Brendon, see if he can fill in." Pete suggests.

Pete disappears to call Brendon and I cant help but think of the look Patrick gave me.