I Dont Do Too Well On My Own

The Thirty-Nineth Chapter

Its not even that I love Brendon Urie. I know he is married and Im not trying to stop that.

He is just the image of perfection.

Like, have you even looked at him?

He probably knows he is good looking too, and thats dangerous.

He could destroy everything and Id still be standing there fussing over his sneaky smile.

"Hey, you still there?" Joe asks, waving his hand in front of me.

"Yeah, sorry... I was just..." I shrug.

"We are just finishing up the chorus to our last song so get ready to hear the pinnacle of rock and roll!" Joe literally screams the end part.

Thanks Joe.

They start playing a song I havent heard before. Its called 'Disloyal Order Of The Water Buffalos' or something, according to them.

You can really see parts of what is happening in their lives in their songs. Its crazy...

"Detox just to retox! And Ill give you anything but another shot at life." Patricks voice sounds sweeter in this song.

Detox just to retox. That was my lyric. I wrote that on the page for Jesses song... They are using my lyrics? Thats crazy. Such a big band using my afterthoughts for song lyrics?

By the end Im grinning.

"That was amazing." I tell them after.

"We are recording next week, so it better be amazing." Pete mumbles.

Andy nudges Pete.

Andy mouthes "he is having a bad music day" at me and I nod.

"Oh yeah, Patrick?" I say to the open.

"Yeah?" He turns and stands by me.

"Do you think there are lots of photos of all of us on the internet?"

"There are certainly enough of the guys and myself. But its nothing to worry about. I just ignore it all and let it blow over."

"Okay. Thanks."

In some twisted, vain way I want to look at the photos.

I want to look at them, printed out, all big and glossy.

I want someone else to say how cute we look and how beautiful I am.

I want to say 'thanks' or 'I know'.

But I also want to burn that glossy picture until its just a plastic smell.

I need to leave it alone.

"Gee. They are really cute!" Patrick is laughing at his phone.

I know.

"They are?" I say.

"Wow, Pat. You look scared!" Pete laughs over his shoulder.

"Lemme see!" I shout, jumping over amps and wires to see it.

We look cute. My legs are like fawns legs and Im toppling over, clinging onto Patrick. It must be a good camera because you can see every small freckle on my skin.

"Wow."

"People have been tweeting us a lot, asking who Jesse is." Andy says from across the room.

"What do we do?" Patrick worries.

"I say you tell em straight whats happening." Brendon says, leaning on one knee.

"All of it?"

"No, dummy! I mean... Just say shes a friend, unless she isnt, and shes staying with you for a bit."

"I agree, leave out the details." Pete points out.

"Okay then." Patrick says. "Ill post it with a selfie we took recently for effect."

There were two of those selfies.

The first on Im looking at Patrick the way someone looks at an angel. Im looking at his smile and how perfect he is. Im telling myself, 'Im so lucky. Patrick Stump!'

The second Im looking at the camera. Im pulling a cutesy face and still appreciating Patrick.

I look over Patricks shoulder at what he is doing.

"You may be wondering who this is?" He types. "this is my good friend" He stops.

"If you consider this starting a new chapter, do you want a new name?" Patrick looks up, meeting my eye.

I swallow hard. Why not? Im not Jesse anymore...

I look around the room and think. Who am I now?

"Skye." I say decisively.

Because, maybe, we are made from the sky.