I Dont Do Too Well On My Own

The Fourty-Fourth Chapter

"3..." They whisper shout.

"2..." Patricks fists are balled.

"1..." Joes teeth as clenched.

"Live!" Andy shouts, jumping to his feet.

Patrick sits by me, sharing the view of twitter.

"Someones noticed." Joe says. "Its been 30 seconds and someones noticed."

Patrick composes a tweet.

My side is being stabbed but I try to ignore it.

@patrickstump: buy our new record here! bit.ly/3oh!3

He sends it out for the world.

His notifications suddenly soar. There is message after message of crazy fangirls who are absolutely besotted.

All of them are talking to God.

@patriciababesxx: OH MY GOD NEW FOB ALBUM? 2 DAYS EARLY?!

@Chloe_All_Over: GOD PATRICK, HOW COULD YOU?!?!?!!?!?

@falloutbae: WHY IS IT EARLY? YOU LEAKED YOUR OWN ALBUM! GOOD GOD.

Patrick is laughing at these tweets.

"Youve sent people insane." I mutter.

"It scares me sometimes." He says, looking down at my head leaning on his side.

"We already have people claiming favourite songs, 5 minutes in." Pete laughs.

"Fan art, 10 minutes in." Andy says.

"A cover! Half an hour in." Joe notes.

Somehow, I fall back asleep, leaning on Patrick and reading desperate, panicked tweets.

*

I wake when I feel my insides shred, in the blender of my torso. I take heavy breaths, opening my eyes. Whats happening? Why is it doing this? My eyes widen as I attempt to not grab my side. This is horrible, just cut it off already...

"Hey, whats happening." Patricks face is hovering over me.

"Im fine. Its just hurting, as usual." I strain.

Patrick gets to work doing something.

I think a chainsaw to the face would hurt less and be quicker than this. I close my eyes tight. Each stabbing pain sends tears to my eyes.

This is it. This is my body getting revenge for several years of heavy drinking. This is my bodys big 'fuck you'. Well, fuck you too, body.

My breathes become as sharp as the stabbing pain in my side.

"Dont do that, youre just hurting yourself." Patrick says, panicked.

Finally a tear escapes and trails down my face. I curl into a ball, my drip wire is strained.

I hear feet and then suddenly theres more liquid in my hand. Almost immediately Im drowsy, and then Im gone.

*

My eyes flicker like broken light bulbs and I take in my surroundings. They now have a big pulse machine next to me and another machine that seems to be attached to me.

One more giant 'fuck you'.

I close my eyes and sigh. It just keeps getting worse.

"Youre awake. You scared me... But whats new." Patrick laughs, adjusting his hat.

I try to form words but Im too tired and weak.

"This machine is measuring whats happening in your liver and this one clears it up... Or something like that. Basically its mediocre life support."

I mouth "why me?" but I dont think he heard me.

"They literally knocked you out with drugs."

This shouldnt be about me. Their new album just came out.

"Pete thought you were dead, but youre not."

I can barely move due to my numbness.

"Andy is hesitant to come to see you incase you fall apart and your guts hit the floor."

This. Now, this is rock bottom.

"Joe... Joe never had a problem like this."

This problem has taken over my life. Dont tell me I have to go to another support group for this...

"I mean, you are basically over your addiction! It wasnt even really an addiction, it was boredom."

As soon as one thing ends, another starts.

"Trouble just... Follows you."

We still havent finished my outline on the wall.

"You dont know when to quit! You just strive, constantly."

I bet his wall looks bad because of me.

"Youre amazing." He leans back in his seat.

I hate being stuck here.

"Small silver tear stains are still on your cheeks."

He leans forward, brushing his warm finger under my eye and on my cheek.

"You wear them like fashion accessories."

His tongue tips off the edge of his lips as he focusses on cleaning away the small silver rivers.

"On a bad day you still look good."

His soft touch is reassuring. All I can do is lie there and feel his warmth on my skin.

"Your humour through this is endless."

His hand stops on my cheek, warming my pale skin.

"I dont want to keep complementing you, you look uncomfortable... But you just dont see it."

If we were sitting on a hill under the stars with some candles then this would be romantic. But this is just him in awe and me practically paralysed. His smile and light in his eyes never fail to make me smile.

"You. Are. Amazing. Ive never seen someone like you."

Its like Im viewed in a zoo. Specimen 45.

"Your personality so... Untarnished by life experiences."

I try to give him a look and I choke out a sound. But before he completely gets it, my eyelashes flutter and close together. Im so drowsy. I let myself sleep again.