Sanders Sides Oneshots and Short Stories

Bruises // pt.1

SPOILER ALERT FOR THE NEW VIDEO!!!

Not requested.

Ship(s): None.

Category: Angst

Warnings: Self-doubt, self deprecation, insecurity

Summary: Roman only received a promise from Logan to not have his work critiqued so harshly. He didn't actually get an apology. This eats at him.

¶∆¶∆¶∆¶

Knock knock.

Roman frowned at the door. "What?"

"It's Logan."

Sighing, Roman stood and opened the door. The logical trait met his gaze evenly.

"Roman, I hope you understand I do mean what I said earlier. About attempting to critique your work less harshly." Logan bit his lip. "I just want no animosity between us."

"Yeah. Yeah, no, there isn't any. We're good." Roman gave his most winning smile.

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely. Now, I'm sure you and I both have many things to get to work on," Roman said, easing the door closed.

Once Logan was gone, Roman slowly reached up and took off his sash, sliding his shoes off simultaneously. Something ached deep in his chest.

He stared at himself in the mirror. He knew, logically, that he had the same features and appearance as the rest of them. He knew he didn't look any different.

But it just seemed so wrong. His reflection was twisted, warped, the things he hated about himself bubbling to the surface. He reached up and touched the glass lightly, his fingers sinking into it ever so slightly. He could visit the Imagination to burn off steam, but it'd just be the same when he returned. It was always the same.

He tediously tugged off his shirt, revealing a pale torso peppered with bruises, some small and some large, disappearing into his waistline. He touched the newest one gently, wincing as it throbbed.

"Roman, you get super insecure for some reason, and, when that happens, the work suffers."

Ouch. The blow wasn't as harsh as it could've been, but yikes it stung. Virgil's remarks hit a lot deeper than the others.

And before that, a larger and dark purple bruise that colored the side of his ribs.

"What about it? It's stupid. There's a million reasons why that's a bad idea."

Well of course Logan thought it was terrible. He called him up to work through a problem and just ended up insulting him instead. Per the norm.

Even further back, to the 'Making Some Changes' video.

"El principe es stupido. It is my understanding that you speak Spanish, and I really wanted you to get it through your thick, self-aggrandizing skull in both languages. You are vapid and slow-witted."

Not that they were supposed to be working together in that video, anyway.

Countless examples, on and off screen, all the times they insulted him and degraded him until he was hurting all over and they still didn't care.

Every time they hit him with a particularly wounding remark, it caused internal injury, like the time Thomas messed up his lines onstage and Roman collapsed in pain. Those didn't heal on their own. He had to be showered in positive encouragement and compliments, and the bruises would heal. He was the ego, after all.

This hadn't happened in a while.

¶∆¶∆¶∆¶

"G'morning Roman," Patton said, cutting up a waffle. "Have any pleasant dreams?"

Roman felt like screaming. He didn't have good dreams. In fact, he had nightmare after nightmare, reflection his current state of mind. "Of course. And you?"

"I got to review nice memories for Thomas all night," Patton chirped, grinning. "I especially love that one when he was ten, and there was that spelling bee-"

Blink.

"Do you remember that?"

Roman frowned. "What?"

Somehow, Patton was now sitting at the table, almost finished with his waffle. He was looking at Roman expectantly, fork raised slightly. He must have blacked out for a moment.

"Yeah, I uh, I don't really-" Roman coughed, and his chest ached. "Remind me again?"

Patton slowly recounted the memory for him once more, and Roman was ashamed to say that he didn't remember. He had no real recollection of that memory. Maybe he was losing it.

"I'm gonna go work on my script," Roman said hurriedly, skipping up the stairs despite the throbbing in his limbs. Patton blinked.

"You didn't eat-!" Patton called after him, but he was gone.

¶∆¶∆¶∆¶