Sanders Sides Oneshots and Short Stories

RLSWNP (part 5 [last])

Not requested.

Ship(s): LAMP+DR

Category: Humor

Warning(s): None

Summary: In a rare occurrence, Roman and Remus team up on a creative pursuit with the same goal in mind-- to frustrate everyone in the Mindscape.

(uh, also, if the other ones frustrated you, this will literally be torture)~kc

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"You might want to get comfy, 'cause this is such a doozy, Remus and I will have to trade off parts," Roman said, pulling up two chairs for himself and his brother. "Maybe grab a bottle of water, or some snacks. We're gonna be here for a while."

"At least it'll be over after this," Patton tried to assure the others.

Deceit and Virgil turned in unison and shot him a dirty look.

"Alright, better start now. Roman, if you would do the honors." Remus dropped into one of the chairs and crossed his legs.

"Whoo. Okay." Roman shook out his fingers, cleared his throat, and began. "So, there's a man crawling through the desert. He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here.

He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that he'd paid attention to the sun and thought he'd figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go about 30 miles or so and he'd be back to the small town he'd gotten gas in last.

He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, he's afraid that he'll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So, he puts on some sunblock, puts the rest in his pocket for later, brings an umbrella for a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the direction he thinks is right."

"There are so many unnecessary details in this," Virgil said, already bored.

"That's the point," Remus said. "I'll keep going. He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he's really thirsty. He's been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He's reapplied the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket is really getting tempting now. He knows that it's mainly water and some ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst.

By the end of the day he starts getting worried. If his estimate was right that he should be close to the town. But he doesn't recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed a mile or two back, and he doesn't remember coming through it in the SUV. He figures that maybe he got his direction off just a little and that the dry creek bed was just off to one side of his path.

He tells himself that he's close, and that after dark he'll start seeing the town lights over one of these hills, and that'll be all he needs.

As it gets dim enough that he starts stumbling over small rocks and things, he finds a spot and sits down to wait for full dark and the town lights.