Sanders Sides Oneshots and Short Stories

To Live Shunned is to Die Alone

Requested by Mistake_Playz666

Ship(s): Platonic Remceit, implied past romantic Anxceit

Category: Angst

Warning(s): Self-deprecation, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt

Summary: Deceit can't take it anymore. Thankfully, one caffeine-addicted side is there to stop him.

sjsjsjs instead of posting something fluffy for Deceit's birthday I'm posting this

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Deceit didn't want to die. This was a simple fact that he knew well, and it should've been enough to halt his dangerous train of thought immediately, but everything was catching up to him and it was all getting to be too much.

Since he'd revealed himself nearly a year ago, blowing the other dark sides' cover, they kicked him out, banning him from their side of the Mindscape. A door hadn't formed for him along with the other light sides, so he took to wandering, exploring the grey parts of the subconscious where he could be alone. This would fine in itself, had his relationship with the others not grown stronger.

Patton invited him to bake with him, and Logan held spirited debates about books with him. Roman looked to him for reassurance. And while Virgil still maintained a respectful distance, he was less hostile than before. Deceit felt welcomed for the first time in forever.

But, slowly, as always, they pulled away. Logan's brief smiles faded entirely. Roman returned to Patton for advice and comfort. Patton still greeted him kindly but stopped inviting him places. Virgil seemed to take all this as his cue to pick up the insults and jabs once more. Deceit didn't know what he did wrong; only that he was being condemned for it.

The main sides were handling big decisions better than usual. They didn't need his contributions; not like they mattered anyway. His lying tendencies made him an outcast. Thomas didn't listen to him anymore. Who'd want to listen to a two-faced liar?

And then the icing on top: they forgot his birthday.

No, didn't forget. Patton had it marked on his calendar. They just didn't care. Even the dark sides celebrated his birthday, or at the very least gave him a gift.

Deceit closed his eyes tight. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to handle the darkness aching inside of him.

He had to get rid of it.

With trembling fingers, Deceit tipped some sleeping pills into his palm. The label said 'temazepam' but he didn't really care about that. He just knew it was a powerful sedative and could hopefully permanently quell the pain clawing at his chest. He stared at the little pills in his hand, unsure for the first time. Is this worth it?

Downstairs, through his walls, he could hear the other sides giggling and talking with one another. Virgil's low voice reached his ears, and an uproar of laughter followed after. They needed Anxiety. They didn't need a liar.

Closing his eyes, Deceit lifted the pills to his lips.

"Yo Dee, I'm just passing through, but I thought I'd drop by and-" Remy stopped in his tracks. Deceit froze. Remy's eyes darted from the pills to the bottle in his hand, and then pure panic lit up his face. "Deceit, what are you doing?" he asked slowly, stepping forward.

"Get out," Deceit managed, fingers curling around the sedatives. "Get out."

"Deceit," Remy said. He took a step forward, his hands raised in a placating gesture. "C'mon, Dee. Just relax, okay?"

"It hurts," Deceit whispered. His eyes burned. "Remy, I-I-"

"Hey, Dee, it's okay." Remy crossed the room in two swift steps, sitting down on the bed next to him and gripping his hand, covering the sedatives. "It's okay. You're okay."

Deceit choked out a broken sob and buried his face in Remy's chest, shoulders trembling with the force of his grief. He dimly registered Remy easing the bottle from his clenched fingers. The pills hit the floor.

"Shh," Remy soothed. His normal jesting demeanor was gone, replaced with gentle concern. He wrapped his arms around Deceit and held him close. "Shh, just let it go. I've got you."

Still crying, Deceit forced out, "why do you even- even care? I'm- I'm not im-important-" His voice broke. "They- They don't- Remy-"

"What's wrong?" Remy asked softly. "I won't judge you for anything, I promise."

The words burst free of him like a broken dam. "First the dark sides ki-kicked me out of my home, and the light- light sides didn't wa-want me, and I'm trying to help but I-I'm alwa-ays the bad guy. Vir-Virgil hates me now but I still- I still-" He sucked in a shuddering breath. "I still love him, Remy, and he- he hates-" Deceit broke down into incoherent sobs once more. Remy continued to rub his shoulders and murmur words of comfort.

"I know it's hard, Dee, I know," Remy told him.

"And big deal breaker?" Deceit snapped, face contorting in an expression of sorrow and rage. "They forgot my birthday, Remy, but I know Patton has it written down so they couldn't have- they just don't- they don't care-"

"The main sides don't always treat the rest of us good enough," Remy agreed. "I remember every time they left me out of things because I wasn't a real side." He groaned suddenly. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be making this about me. It's about you." When Deceit was silent, Remy touched his shoulder. Deceit met his eyes with a heterochromatic gaze. "I'm not going to defend them. I won't excuse their actions, because they're wrong in this, not you. But if you need someone to talk to, I'm sure they would listen."

"No."

"Then I will," Remy told him firmly. "I'm always here for you, okay? Even if we're just casual buds, I'm here if you need anything."

Deceit rubbed his eyes. His scales were wet with his tears. "Thank you, Remy."

"Next time, talk to me first," Remy said. "Hopefully, there isn't even a 'next time'. Okay?"

"Okay." Deceit gulped and sniffled. "Don't leave, please?"

Remy pulled him closer. "I won't." As he threaded his fingers through Deceit's hair, he repeated, "I won't."

And by God, he meant that.

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