Sanders Sides Oneshots and Short Stories

RLSWNP (part 3)

Not requested.

Ship(s): LAMP+DR

Category: Humor

Warning(s): None

Summary: In a rare occurrence, Roman and Remus team up on a creative pursuit with the same goal in mind-- to frustrate everyone in the Mindscape.

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Without any build-up this time, Roman started off with the next story.

"A rich man had a son. For the son's sixteenth birthday, the father planned to make the birthday perfect and asked his son what he wanted. He promised to buy the son anything in the world. The son thought about this for a long time before simply saying, 'I want one pink ping pong ball.'"

"What?" Virgil said.

"Shh," Remus said.

"Though confused, the father agreed. On the son's birthday, when it was time to open the presents, there was only a single, pink ping pong ball. The son was ecstatic. He scampered up to his room with the pink ping pong ball, and the father never saw it again. A year later, he asked his son what he wanted for his birthday. After a while, the son responded, 'I want a whole crate of pink ping pong balls.'"

"More?" Logan said, frowning. "What possible use does the son have for so many?"

Ignoring him, Roman said, "when the time came to open gifts, there was only a large box. The son opened it an found a whole crate of pink ping pong balls. The son was ecstatic. He scampered up to his room with the pink ping pong balls, and the father never saw the crate again.

The next year, without a pause, the son replied to his father's questions with, 'I want a truckload of pink ping pong balls.' The father was still very confused, but he didn't question it. When the son's birthday came around, he was presented with a truckload of pink ping pong balls. The son was ecstatic and scampered into the back of the truck. Five hours later, when he came out, the truck was empty and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight."

"What the fuck is going on," Virgil said.

"Language," Patton reminded him.

"Another year passed," Roman said. He paused for a second to catch his breath, then continued. "The father wanted to outdo himself this year, but when he asked his son, the son immediately told him, 'I want a warehouse filled with pink ping pong balls.' The father desperately wanted to know what the pink ping pong balls were for, but he respected his son's privacy and didn't ask questions. On the day of the party, the son got in a car to go to the warehouse. The father instructed the driver to ask the son what the pink ping pong balls were for."

"This is ridiculous," Logan muttered.

"Alas, the son skillfully dodged the questions," Roman lamented, raising one hand to splay dramatically across his forehead. "They pulled up to the warehouse, the son got out, and told the driver to not enter the warehouse. In the morning, when the driver came to pick him up, the warehouse was completely empty and there was not a single pink ping pong ball to be found."

"What?" Deceit cried, tossing his hands up. "How are they all gone?"

"Now, the father's curiosity had grown to such a point that he was willing to do whatever it took next year to find out what the pink ping pong balls were used for. However, a month before the son's birthday, he was in a terrible accident. Distraught over his son's injuries, the father promised he would get the son whatever he wanted. The son painstakingly asked, 'I want one pink ping pong ball.'

The father, bewildered and shocked, blurted, 'what the hell do you do with all those damn pink ping pong balls?'

The son replied, 'I will tell you after you bring me the pink ping pong ball.'"

"Still?" Logan asked tiredly.

"If nothing else, at least the father would know about the pink ping pong balls. He bought one, and gave it to the son. 'Now, please tell me. What do you do with the pink ping pong balls?'

'I use... I use them for...' And the son died from his injuries."

"No!" Virgil shouted. He threw a pillow at Roman and fled the room.

Deceit and Logan groaned in unison. Patton sighed.

"Oh, I love that one," Remus said, grinning.

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