SEVENTEEN | Imagines

DK (V)

welcome to part 2/3 of my november drabble series (in december, i know otl)

part two: miss you - eric nam 

DK

Sometimes he can't help thinking of you

. . .

As he watched leaves swirl lazily to the ground, his breaths left little puffs in the chilly autumn air. He had thought it had been so long that it wouldn't be possible for you to reappear in his mind, but this was clearly not the case.

He was trapped, his feet unable to move from his position under the orange-leafed tree that shook delicately from the quiet breeze.

Sometimes, he couldn't help it. He didn't want to, but it seemed so futile; you would make it back into his mind from the memories that you dwelled in. On quiet days like these, your presence would be especially strong, and he almost doesn't even recognize his own movements as he opens his phone to check.

The movement was habitual, whenever you came to mind, he would check his phone for...something? Anything, he doesn't even know anymore.

And seeing nothing, he feels the world is so cruel. The once gentle breeze seems to cocoon him in an airtight prison and he just can't breathe. He's suffocating and suffering, but even then it's better. The empty suffocation is infinitely better than the searing pain of letting you go. Nothing could really compare to his heartache when you left him, so he grits his teeth and says almost silently.

"I don't miss you."

. . .

Looking at the happy faces of Mingyu and his girlfriend smiling with himself and you, Seokmin's heart tremors.

His family and friends have all been looking at him with the same expression. Furrowed eyebrows and sad eyes, all of them asking, "Are you okay?"

And he replies with the same answer, the one he didn't believe in until now. Saying it in this quiet room with its memories and dead dreams allowed him to trust in it, just a little.

"I'm alright without you."

But as soon as the words leave his lips, he feels his eyes well with tears that he had thought he had no more of, and he changes his words, "In just a little while, I'll be alright."

Looking through his tears and onto the photo, he gently brushes your beaming face with a quivering finger, "I don't miss you."

And feeling the first tears fall, he whispers brokenly, "Don't miss me too."

. . .

He wasn't sure how he ended up like this. But all he knew was that the scent of lavender hurt him. It sawed through his chest and left it bleeding and hurting.

As he stared at the cigarette that no longer felt foreign between his fingers and the green glass bottles that littered the table, he wonders how it became this way. His days blended into each other because they were filled with the same anger and confusion that swam in an ocean of pain. Taking in a deep drag of the cigarette, Seokmin wondered if you would care if he was slowly dying. Your sudden appearance in his mind's eye tightens his chest and he chokes on the smoke in his lungs.

It burns, it suffocates but anything is better than the pain of leaving you.

. . .

Spinning a pen between startling thin fingers, he could finally breathe. Resting a hand on a balled hand, Seokmin watches you from afar, smiling and laughing with someone else. He doubted you would even be able to recognize him, for he was no longer the same.

Seeing you so bright and joyful gives him a goal, something he hasn't had since the fateful day that you left him. Looking down at the little agenda on the café table, he glances at the date before looking at you and writing, get over you.

As he finishes the three little words, he feels the overwhelming urge to erase it, tear it out of the booklet. How can I be alright without you?

He feels as if he's only lying to himself, but he looks down at the words he had written and under it in small letters he writes, I don't miss you.

And your face turns inexplicably in his direction as his heart begins to hurt again. In rushed movements, he shuts his agenda and grabs his coffee before leaving the shop with a tightened throat and lowered eyes.

Standing isolated in front of the door of the café, Seokmin lets a tear roll down his cheek as he strength shatters.

I don't miss you.

So don't miss me too. 

. . . 

a/n ok so i know this is late. sorry everyone! i just had a pile of midterms and essays in the past two weeks and simply could not bring myself to write. hopefully everyone doesn't mind, i might be able to write + post part 3 today as well! 

next installement: to do list - hyolyn (my queen) it's about time for someone to break your heart~ lol