2Moons - Dark Moons

CH 17 - Why?

Phana POV

I look in the mirror before walking out of the bedroom, everything looked fine I didn't look sick or unwell. I take a deep breath remembering last night, the headaches weren't the only thing back, so was the voice. This couldn't be good.

I can hear Yo speaking to someone in the other room, he sounds worried. He finishes talking as I walk into the main room, he smiles seeing me.

"Who was that?"

"Someone you will meet soon." He walks over. "She is important."

I wonder who that was, it couldn't be his mother I knew she wasn't around.

"Do you remember last night?" He asks touching my shoulder. "What you...said?"

"Yes." I nod. "I called you Nong Yo."

"Why?"

Because the voice in my head said it, and it sounded good to me. Good idea Phana, tell the guy you're dating you hear voices. Think, think!

"You called me P'Pha before."

"I did? When?" He asks surprised.

"That first night." I remind him. "A few times."

He says oh and stands there thinking, was what I said really that bad?

"You don't want me to call you Nong?"

"It's...what you used to call me." He says slowly looking at me. "My pretty Nong Yo."

Used to? A strange feeling bubbles in my chest as I realise what he means. I'm not sure if I'm ready but I feel like I need to know.

"Do you miss him?" I feel a sharp pang even as I ask.

"No." He smiles his hand cupping my cheek. "You're here."

"Wouldn't he be better?" I can't stop my mouth talking. "Your first love..."

"Beloved, you are my first and only love." He tells me.

"Why didn't you keep him Yo?" I ask finally. "Why didn't you turn him?"

The pain in his eyes as he takes a step back, it hurts to see it. When a tear falls down his cheek, I hug him, I should learn to keep my mouth shut.

"I couldn't." He whispers in a broken voice. "...and ... then...it was too late."

"Yo..."

"I know you think my words foolish. I'm sorry, I wish I knew how to make you understand."

"Are you sorry you turned me?" The question slips out.

"Why would you ask that?"

"You keep saying you're sorry."

"Only because I think I should have given you more time." He looks at me with watery eyes. "My greatest regret will always be I caused you pain."

"How can you love me so?"

"I don't know what reason you want me to give." He says quietly. "I saw you look at me, and I didn't want you to look at anyone else."

I hold him, his arms around me, clutching me close. His voice never weavers, his words never change, no matter how many times he says these things. Wait a little longer Yo, I may not be able to say them yet, but my heart is beginning to whisper the words.

++++

I wanted to be a heart specialist, but being with Yo made me question if I really understood it at all. No matter what I did, or what I asked he didn't get angry but offered me everything happily. I don't think it was just from guilt, I think he would always have done the same.