New on the block

Step 2: Put Her First

Cesar's POV:
We're at Ruby's house and Monse's not talking to me. "Are you ok?" I ask. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" She asks. "I know I should've said bye before I left." I tell her. "No it's fine. It's not like you could've been kidnapped again or worse." She smiles sarcastically and then turns back to our friends. "I didn't want to bother you I just-" "Maybe it's better if I don't know what you were doing." She cuts me off. "I was trying to thank Jasmine for getting me out. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm a bad person." When Monse doesn't respond my heart drops.
*7:45pm*
"You gonna stay again tonight?" She asks. "So now you're talking to me?" I know I shouldn't have said that but I was just trying to make things better. "You didn't even text me back. I thought something happened to you." I hate that I stress her out. I don't even know what to tell her. "I need to go grab some clothes but I'll be back later." I say and she just gives me a sad smile. "Be careful." She kisses me on the cheek and goes into her room. Instead of sneaking into my house I go to the shelter. I can't let her worry about me all the time.
*Cesar's Phone*
C: im in riverside I'll see you soon.
M: why didn't you just tell me????
C: you would've tried to stop me
M: just come back it's not safe
C: it is, the prophets wont get me here bye Monse
M: please just come back

I know it's better for her if I stay away. I got lucky and they have a bed available. "Running from something?" A guy asks and I shake my head. "First night's always the hardest. You don't want to stay here too long though." He says. "I have plans to get out I just need some more time." I shrug. "Good luck man. If you ask me just leave. If you're here then you definitely don't have any reason to stay." He laughs. "I didn't ask you. I have a reason to stay but if I want her to be safe then she's my reason to leave." By the look on his face I can tell I said way too much. "Here you go. It's just the essentials toothpaste, toothbrush, socks." I hear a familiar voice say. "Mariana? What are you doing here?" I ask. "I volunteer here. Why are you here?" She asks when she looks up from the clipboard she's holding. "I didn't have anywhere to go." I admit. "What about Jamal's? Or Ruby's or Monse's? Wait what about your house?" She asks. "I'm surprised he didn't tell you." I sigh. "No, Latrelle told me everything but that doesn't mean you deserve this." How can she be so forgiving? "Believe it or not me, my siblings and my mom spent sometime here and if I learned anything it's that people do crazy shit when they're desperate." She says. She sits next to me on the bed and I can't even make eye contact. "If you want them to forgive you then you have to forgive yourself." She tells me seriously. "How? Every time I close my eyes I see all the bad shit I've done. I don't even feel like I'm capable of that." I tell her. "Because you're not. Latrelle didn't just tell him me about you beating him up. He told me what he did too. You did what you had to do." She shrugs. "You think Monse will ever forgive me?" I ask. "Of course she will... but I also think it takes time. I know I should be mad at you but I get it. Everyone's done something stupid that they wish they could take back." She tells me. "I ruined her life." I know it's true, she would've been better off without me. "No, you don't get to do this. If you disappear or walk out of her life that doesn't make you a good guy that just makes you selfish." She says bluntly. "I want her to be happy." I say. "You made her fall in love with you and all you're gonna do by leaving is hurt her. Don't be a pussy, call her." She gets up and goes back to handing out bags. I call Monse and it takes a minute but she picks up. "What?" She says. "I thought I was doing the right thing." I say quickly. "What changed your mind?" She asks. "Mariana, she volunteers here, she told me how stupid I was being. I just didn't want to hurt you again." I explain. "Can you please just come back?" She asks. "Yeah, I'm gonna ask Mariana if I can get a ride back with her." I tell her through the phone. "Good and I swear if you ever pull this shit again I'm dragging you back to the Ridge myself." She says seriously. I just realized we never talked about what we were going to do if I left Freeridge. When we lived at my place I just assumed she'd come with me but now she's with her dad and they're trying to get back to normal. "Don't worry, I don't think I can spend another month away from you. I gotta go catch up with Mariana but I'll see you soon and we can talk about everything." I say. "Ok, be safe." She says before she hangs up. "Hey, can I get a ride to Monse's?" I ask Mariana. "You called her?" She smiles and I nod. "Yeah just sign out and meet me outside." She says. A part of me still thinks Monse would be better off without of me. She would get over me and get out of Freeridge but if I stay she might never leave or something could happen to her just because of me. I can't tell if it'd be more selfish for me to go back over there or not.