My Secret Guardian // song minho (#19)

Chapter 38

MiWon

I sighed at all the errors that were in his theory paper, it is full of red circles all over the place and on every page, how does he not change at all for the past 3 years? Why does he not become a little smarter? He is enrolled in one of the hardest course for goodness sake and I have no idea how he actually passed for the past few modules, did he cheat or what?

I sighed again and flipped over to his notebook, I want to know if he actually copied his notes during class. He is either sleeping or just stoning every time he has a chance, that is exactly like when he was still in high school and he still managed to score well and be one of the Top 10 graduates that year.

And then I saw something that made my heart skip a beat, there was a long note written on the page but in this long paragraph is filled with nothing but the wishes of me ever getting back my memories.

What if Na Miwon regains her memories, what will happen to me? Will I get forgotten? What if Na Miwon remembers me, will she hate me even more? Will she hate me for life? Will she ignore me forever?

I deserved it, I seriously deserved it. I was at fault anyway, I was in the wrong anyway. I was the one who caused her pain, I was the one who made her like this. I was the one that gave her depression, I caused her to commit suicide.

But yet I still saved her, why the hell did I even save her for? I could have just pretended that I haven't seen anything. I could have just ignored all the signs that were displayed in front of me. But I still did.

Because I loved her, I couldn't risk not saving her. I didn't want her to die, I wanted her to stay alive not for me but for herself. I didn't want to lose her, I wanted her to stay on and live the life that she wanted. But I can't tell her.

Because she hated me, she hates me to the core. She wouldn't want me around, she wanted me to get away from her as far as possible. There is no way that she will ever like me, there is no way that she will like someone who caused her pain and despair.

Will she ever like me? Will she ever see the good in me? Will she ever forgive me for what I have done? Will she ever think of me as a better person? I doubt so.

She doesn't even remember me at all, she lost her memories and it is all because of me. I have dragged her into this mess and she lost her memories on behalf of my death, I would've died if not for me. And I repaid her back by fighting against my entire gang, I should do that since I was in the wrong.

All I could ask for now is for her to remain this way for as long as possible, I don't want her to remember me at all. It is best for her this way so that she will be happy, I only brought unhappiness to her and I don't want her to get hurt anymore. What happened 3 years ago almost caused her life and I don't want that to happen ever again.

There was a tear stain on one of the words, smudging the ink. I wiped my tears away and I attempted to wipe my tear on the paper but I have overdone it, now I have completely ruined the entire line. What should I do?

Should I blow on it so that it dries faster? Should I write over it? But that would only complicate things and he will definitely know that I have looked through his things, I am pretty sure that I am not going to be let off easily.

I blew on the paper as fast as I can to speed up the process, that should do it before he comes back after talking with Cha Eunwoo. I am kind of relieved that I have got enough time because he is a chatterbox and he would talk nonstop, he would pester me all the time while we are still in high school, he would always come to me when I don't want him to be there, he would talk for hours and I would just ignore him because I can't be bothered to speak to him.

"What the hell are you even doing?" I let out a scream and he shushed me, since when did he arrive? "We're going to get kicked out soon if you don't shut up."

"When did you even come back?" I shouted whispered at him. "You scared me so much!" I placed my hands at my chest. Doesn't he know that he is always making me feel so nervous?

He sat down opposite me. "Just earlier. What were you trying to do just now?"

"Nothing much, I am just curious at what you have written. I was just checking if you were really taking down notes or not, it turns out that you did." It is better than I don't tell him that I have regained my memories at this timing, it would be better to tell him much later, he wouldn't be able to handle all of it and judging from the note, he is still not ready to stay next to me after I have regained my memories.

It is obvious that he still feels bad for what he had done to me 3 years ago, it is true that he hurt me but it was unintentional and I forgave him for it ever since the day where he saved me from my suicide attempt. That was when I started to think good of him, how he was a different person than I have known and the reason why I did all that.

He was really a kind man who was often mistaken to be a bad person just because of his dressings and mannerisms but yet he is just trying to make amendments to the girl that he had started to love, the girl didn't appreciate his feelings for her and didn't return her gratitude to him before it is too late, she lost her memories and also lost her chance at telling the guy that she is grateful for him liking her.

It would've ended like that if I hadn't regained my memories and his plan would have failed a long time ago, I didn't hate him as he expected but yet I find myself falling for him more and more, he was someone who taught me how to love myself and then to love someone else.

He scoffed at my reply. "Of course, I did. I am a good student who works hard for everything that I have in life, I would do whatever it takes to get it."

"Including my heart? Because I thought that you have taken it a long time ago." I blurted out.

"Na Miwon..."

"Can we go on a date? I think that I like you a lot and I want you to be my boyfriend."