My Secret Guardian // song minho (#19)

Chapter 55

Miwon

I sat down on my bed, feeling so down and depressed with everything that had happened in my life, nothing in my life had ever worked out perfectly. I may come from a rich family and have a mother who works as a director in a company and a father who works as a police officer but I wasn't happy at all, they were divorced and I was alone all the time. I was an outcast back in high school and I never have people come up to me and talk to me, or to even become friends.

I was a loner and I knew that is going to be my life and I am supposed to resign to it, to a life that isn't for me but I have to live with it. I have tried many times trying to change my future but all I have gotten back in return is hurt, disappointed and a broke heart.

Nothing in my life has ever worked out and it is all because of me, I am unlucky and that is the person that I am. I will never be happy in this life, no one is going to love me and I am going to die a lonely virgin because I am a curse in everyone's life and a huge burden to everyone.

Especially with these useless legs of mine, I can't even move for goodness sake. I am paralyzed from the waist down and that is going to be my fate that I am going to live for the rest of my life, an old woman who is crippled and going everywhere alone with a wheelchair that barely works and a house filled with nothing but sadness.

I stared at the glass of wine in my hand, looking at my own reflection and I hated myself in that. Why must I be born? Why am I born into this world for? I am born into this world only to suffer and there is nothing that can make me happy, I am just waiting for the day that I would die and that is going to be a very long time.

But I can't wait anymore, I am useless in this world and no one will ever care about me. Not even Song Minho, I allowed him into my life and I desperately wanted him to be out of it so that I can suffer and die alone. Everything that happened is because of me and that vicious cycle will only end if I am gone and I am willing to disappear just so that the world will be a happier place without me around and I would have a chance to reincarnate into another human being that has a better life and has someone to love and to care for.

I want to be that person, I want to be happy with everything that I don't have right now and I want to achieve that. I downed the entire glass of wine and I dropped it on the floor because I lost hold of it and I was slightly drunk, I wasn't good at drinking and I like that I have a low alcohol tolerance so that I don't have to drink a lot to be drunk.

I laid down on my bed and I immediately dozed off for a good few hours until I was woken up by the smell of smoke and it was really pungent, there was a fire in this building and it seemed to have come from the floor below mine and it is only a matter of time before the room that I am in starts burning and I would be dead.

That would be the perfect opportunity for me to die right here but it didn't seem like the perfect way to die and I would come back as a vengeful ghost because I was burned to death and I would look extremely hideous, I definitely don't want that to happen to me and I would want to die in a more natural way than to get engulfed in flames and get burned to ashes.

I climbed out of my bed and then realized that my wheelchair is a little further away from me and I can't reach it when I am on the floor, I literally can't even get myself up and the reality of getting engulfed into the fire is becoming real with me being a cripple. But it is not like I can call for any help, everyone outside there is screaming and yelling about the fire that they wouldn't care about anything else but themselves, they would want to get themselves saved first no matter what.

They wouldn't care much about me even if they have discovered that I am in fact on the same floor as them and I need a lot of help getting into my wheelchair and getting evacuated for safety, and I will definitely die if no one ever comes to save me. I am really a burden to everyone, I am so useless that everyone will abandon me when it comes to safety and getting saved by anyone.

The longer that it takes for everyone on the floor to get evacuated, the faster it takes for everyone to forget about me and I will die today because I am a cripple. And with the smoke that I am inhaling at a dangerous rate, I only find myself struggling to breathe and laying down on the floor yearning for someone to help me. And I closed my eyes, unable to keep on fighting and I say goodbye to my life.

But I found myself opening my eyes once again and everything was very blurry and I could hear the voices of a lot of people and the cool breeze that I feel, not the sweltering heat that I was surrounded in earlier. I am not in my hotel room anymore but outside of the building where everyone is being evacuated at, I am also in the arms of a random person.

I was saved by a random stranger a the eleventh hour where I could have died just there and everyone would forget about me after all but it didn't happen, someone did remember about me and got me out of the building. I am being saved by my secret guardian once again, but I am really thankful for that this time because I thought that he would really give up on me and ignore me for the rest of my life. But he didn't, he came back to save me from my misery.