My Secret Guardian // song minho (#19)

Chapter 53

Miwon

I crossed my arms over one another, pouting angrily as I am in the lift, annoyed at what Song Minho had said earlier, I just can't believe that he has the audacity to even say that to me. I knew that he is someone who isn't straightforward with his feelings and he would often hide his feelings to make him look stronger to the rest of the world but this is going way too far, he has the nerve to tell me to enjoy my time here at the hotel like it was nothing at all.

Does he not have any feelings at all? He was looking all sad and depressed after what I have said to them that day and now he is like talking to me as if nothing has ever happened, and I look like the odd one in here when he should be the one who will want to avoid me at all costs because he is a curse in my life and he should get away from me as far as possible.

He looked so normal and he went back to work, just days after the fight between the two of us and it is very unusual for someone to do that. I wouldn't even want to do anything if it were to be me, I will stay in my room all day long and will only get out of the house until I feel all better.

And he is doing the opposite of what I am expecting that he will be doing, maybe he is just used to things like this and he is extremely good at hiding his feelings but even the most steeled hearted people will tear up and break down at something like this but he is not reacting like this at all.

And it turned out to be me who is feeling all of this when I am the one who wanted to get rid of myself from himself and live my own life without him but why am I even feeling like this? I told myself that I shouldn't be feeling anything if I don't have any feelings for him but I did, I did like him no matter how hard I didn't want to.

He really meant that he will make me fall in love with him and make me discover the thing of loving myself and then loving the people around him and I fell for him, he is really that person that I have been searching for all these time when I have no idea how loving someone even worked. I have liked him for a very long time ever since high school and the moment that he made me feel something for him, it was at the arcade where we spent the entire day playing in there.

My mother wanted me to meet her and she had ordered her men to get me because she knew that I wouldn't listen to her, I hated her so much and I want to get away from her radar for just one day, that is all I wanted. Song Minho was the answer to the one day of freedom that I wanted so much, he chased away the men and I asked him to take him away even though he is not someone that I should not be seen together with, the society doesn't like someone like him and they would rather want to hide away from him as soon as they laid eyes on him.

But I didn't care much, I was so done with not having the freedom to do the things and I haven't been allowing myself to live my life to the fullest because I have no one to do it with either, and Song Minho seemed like the perfect person that would help me fulfil that little wish of mine. Even though I didn't want to be with someone like him, but at that time he was the only person that I know out of all the people in my class and he is one of the only people who actually talked to me throughout my whole 3 years of high school even though he is not there most of the time.

And I smiled in the first time in years, I smiled the brightest smile that I wouldn't have done without Song Minho, I then realized that I needed love in my life and how love would make me a happier person but I am afraid of the consequences, I have seen it with my own 2 eyes that my parents ended their marriage because of love and how they started to lose love in each other.

I didn't want that to happen to me, I will not be able to handle it well and I am doing that right now. I got into my hotel room and I wheeled myself into the room until I reached the bed and I lifted myself a little so that I will be able to get on the bed, I laid down on the bed looking up at the ceiling. I really do love him, Na Miwon...

He was the first one who made me want to love someone despite his actions, he bullied me because he was jealous of me and I hated him a lot and I wished that he would die of some weird incurable disease so that I wouldn't have to suffer. But instead, he made me learn more about myself and discovered those small bits of myself that I am still learning even now, and loving him was the best thing that has happened to me for the 3 years of my life, and I am not going to love anyone ever again.

But I have already pushed him away... He will fall in love with someone and have his own little family and it is not going to be me, and I don't want that to happen at all. How should I even do?

Will I be happy though? I will definitely not be if I continue to sulk in this hotel room any longer, I have to do something about this.