EX Friends With Benefits

Forty three

He kissed me with so much emotion at natatakot ako kung saan pa ito tutungo kaya ako na ang kusang lumayo.

"Don't do this, please? Maawa ka naman Nate. I had enough of this bullshit" mahina kong sabi.

"What bullshit? You think this is what it is?" kalmado niyang tanong.

"I agreed that you'll have some dad time with Kernel but it doesn't mean that we are in good terms. You're still with Jessica even if you deny it for a hundred times. Let me move on from this mess, okay? Stop confusing me with your selfish act" mahina at kalmado kong sabi at humakbang paalis.

"You're so special to me" He gently said.

I sighed heavily. "Special lang, hindi mahal" and with that tuluyan na akong umalis.

The thing is, matagal na kaming magkakilala ni Nate at madami na kaming napagdaanan even in bed but still I can't figure him out. Ano ba talagang nararamdaman niya para sa akin at humantong pa kami sa ganitong sitwasyon.

He gives me so much hope na kami talaga sa huli pero bakit may mali parin o di kaya ay may sabit na naman. This is so fucked up!

I decided to breathe some fresh air at tumungo sa flower garden ni Mama. I sat on a bench facing those big roses.

I really love Nate at natatakot ako sa pagmamahal nato.

"Do you really hate me that much?" Biglang may nagsalita sa likod ko at di na ako lumingon dahil alam na alam kong siya yun.

"I don't hate you. I just hate how life fucks me so bad"

"We're on the same boat"

"I had all the chance in the world para layuan ka. I went abroad and got a boyfriend there but still you got the chance to fuck my life over and over. Di kaba naaawa sakin? You always treated me like a side chick"

"I don't. I never treated you like that. Those sex were always genuine, it was made of something that binds us together"

"Lust"

"No. It was never lust for me"

Tumawa ako ng mahina kasi napakaputanginang mga salita yan.

"I loved you so much, I made you my world. Hindi man halata pero parang ikaw lang yung umiikot sa buhay ko noon Nate"

"Loved? You don't love me anymore?"

"I don't"

"But I do"

Napatahimik ako at wala ding nagsalita sa aming dalawa.

"Alam mo, yan ang inaasam ko dati na sabihin mo Nate. Pero hindi na ngayon"

"Yan naman talaga mula noon Yndi. Minahal kita pero lumayo ka. You left me that summer, right? You were so scared coz you thought na friends with benefits lang talaga tayo"

"Yun naman talaga"

"Friends with benefits? Fuck that. I confessed to you! Pero ano? Nang iwan ka bigla. At makikita nalang kita ulit dun kina Erika at kung hindi dahil sa putanginang dare na yun di tayo muling magkikita!"

"You confessed to me but you were so fucking drunk"

"Drunk words are sober thoughts, Yndi"