EX Friends With Benefits

Fifty one

"Because that's what you want, right? noon pa man kahit di pa tayo naging fuck buddies, or whatever that is, yun ang gusto mo. You said that you want nothing serious. That was summer and you disappeared after that and I saw you again at Ericka's party" medjo galit na nag papaliwanag niya.

"I just don't want to fall for you, ayoko kasi we started wrong and we'll end up wrong. So eto na nga" I smiled at tinungga yung beer.

He shook his head like I said something ridiculous.

"I was confused by my own feelings too, Yndi. Whenever i'm with you, i'm at peace and I don't want that to disappear so I never courted you. You understand that, right? Ayokong mawala yun kung sakaling maghiwalay tayo kaya pinili kong maging magkaibigan tayo non but now things change" Tinignan niya ako ng seryoso. God! bakit ang gwapo niya? naiiyak tuloy ako. Yung feeling na gusto mo siyang mapasayo pero bawal, bawal kasi may nag mamay-ari na sa kanya.

"Gusto mo ako?" I asked out of the blue. He looked at me seriously and tap the table.

"What's not to like?" kumunot ang noo niya. Damn his words!

"No no no, I mean gusto mo ako? like feelings? uhm, hindi yung gusto lang na parang yeah, yeah we have things in common" I said mas kumunot na naman ang noo niya, I think iniisip niya na nababaliw ako or i'm mumbling something nonsense.

"You mean, gusto kita in a romantic way?"

Bumilog ang mata ko. "Yes! that's what i meant!" sus ang dali lang palang sabihin yun may pa yeah yeah pa akong nalalaman.

"What do you think, Yndi?" his lips went thin.

" I don't know, you're confusing me Nate. I thought we're okay but i guess not. You have a fiancé but you have a child with me." I said at tinapos na yung beer.

He looked at me for a long time and I let him be. I'm so confused. I mean, he's here with me but he's not mine. I'm also confuse with my feelings right now.

"I'm always yours, Yndi. I always go back to you." He said seriously. I laughed nervously.

"Nate, stop playing with me please? you know how much I love your games and it always led me to hell"

"Games huh? I didn't know having a child is a game. I guess you don't want to understand what is really going on between us" He laughed sarcastically.

"I don't want to get hurt, Nate" I sighed. I finished the bottle of beer and i'm tipsy already. They said that when your tipsy you're gonna be horny too and this is what I felt right now.

Nate just looked at me. I looked at him too. The tension is on but he's calm.

"Do you still have feelings for me?" He asked calmly.

Kumurap ako at kumunot ang noo.

"Why would you ask me that, Nate? I never ask you something like that"

"Ask me then" He bravely said.

"Wag na! I don't want to ruin what I'm building up. I'm putting up my walls this time, Nate" I seriously said.

"Have you ever questioned yourself why I chose you to carry my child and not Jessica?" He asked seriously.

"You did not choose. It was an accident."

"Nabuntis kita ng dalawang beses. Is that an accident?"

"I'm a good fuck, I can satisfy you the way Jessica can't. I think that's the reason why, With me you can't be a gentleman and i'm okay with it. Alam mo yun? sakin you can do whatever you want but with Jessica you have limitations because you treasured her. You respect her" I bit my lip. Oh God! maiiyak na yata ako. I stood up without looking at him at umalis na, hinabol naman niya ako.

"Yndi, don't be like this." Sabi niya habang nakasunod siya sakin. I stop and cried. Tinakpan ko ang mukha ko gamit ang palad ko. I can't control this. I'm in pain.

He hugged me from the back and I cried harder. Ano 'to? Nasasaktan na naman ako. I don't want to feel this pain again. I really really love Nate! but I can't have him. Punyeta! ang sakit lang.

"Nate h'wag mo naman akong saktan pa, I'm always in pain kapag kasama kita." I said between my sobs.

"Ang gusto ko lang naman ay maging masaya, I really really want to be with you pero hindi pwedi. It always kills me, Nate" I cried harder, feeling ko ay sasabog na ako.

"Then be with me" He softly said.

"I can't, we can't. You have Jessica"

"We'll figure it out, Wag ka lang magsasawang mahalin ako" He seriously said.

I turned around and face him. I saw that he is really serious.

"Do you have feelings for me, Nate?" I asked nervously. He looked at me seriously.

"I did not stop loving you, Yndi. You always have my heart."

I burst in tears. My heart aches so bad, I've been dreaming of this. I sobbed really hard.

He hugged me tight.

"Will you marry me?"