EX Friends With Benefits

Fifty

I went out of our cottage and search for food. I am hungry now and hindi ko matiis na magkasama na naman kami ni Nate sa iisang bubong. Sobrang sakit ng mga paa ko pero pinilit ko parin. I ordered beer kasi gusto kong makatulog.

NSV: Where are you?

sa baba lang, nag papahangin. Wag ka pumunta dito kasi I need some space

Ni hindi ko man lang bilagay sa baso ang beer. Tinungga ko ito para mas intense. Lol! I am really confuse with my feelings right now. Gustong-gusto kong maging okay kami ni Nate pero takot ako na mahulog na naman sa kanya. I admit that I fell hard for Nate at di yun mabura-bura sa isip at puso ko.

The day I saw him ay gusto ko talaga siya. He really caught me up! Hindi naman ako papayag sa naging set up namin kung wala lang siya para sakin.

After kung matapos ang isang bote ng beer, nakaramdam ako ng hilo. Hindi naman ako lasing, tipsy lang. Agad akong bumalik sa kwarto namin and I saw Nate reading some papers.

"Hey baby" I said softly dahilan ng pagkunot ng noo ni Nate at tinignan ako ng maayos.

"Lasing ka?" He seriously asked.

I chuckled. "No, tipsy lang. My head hurts"

He got up at nilapitan ako pagkatapos ay nag timpla siya ng kape. Coffee never fails to amaze me kapag masakit ang ulo ko.

I smiled when he handed the mug. "Inumin mo yan, it will help" and then he went back to his papers.

"Alam mo talaga ano gusto ko 'no?" I rhetorically said. I sipped some and look at him. Nate is really a
handsome lad. I wonder kung ano ang nararamdaman ni Jessica whenever she look at Nate. I'm sure she is happy. Nate is a jackpot!

"Yes?" Nate asked when he noticed that I am staring at him. I shocked my head and continue to sip some. I continue looking at him when he looked at the papers again.

"What's that? para saan yan?" I asked, referring to the papers.

"Plans. future plans, Yndi" He looked at me. I nodded. siguro ay para sa kasal nila ni Jessica, I heard gusto niya sa Palawan magpakasal. Kumirot bigla ang dibdib ko, I wonder anong mangyayari kay Kernel if magpapakasal na si Nate. Tatanggapin ba siya ni Jessica? the thought is scary.

"Oh okay. How's your business by the way? I heard na okay ang takbo"

"Yes, mataas ang sales ngayon. How about you? how's work?" He asked.

"Okay lang naman. Minsan na ba-badtrip akk kasi alam mo na, maliliit yung studyante ko. Mahilig sila maglaro. I also had a hard time during nights with Kernel. The crying sesh every 2 am or onwards. But it's okay. I'm okay" I smiled but he didn't.

"I'm sorry kung hindi ako nakatulong sa iyo during those nights" He seriuosly said.

I waved him off. Enough of the drama already! tapos na yun. I'm moving on at ayokong makulong na naman sa walang kasigurohang sitwasyon.

"Pag balik natin, I'll be away again for business trip. I hope it's okay with you"

Kumunot naman ang noo ko. "What do you mean? ofcourse it's okay with me! I mean, who am I to stop you"

"Let's drink, Nate! I really want to be wasted. Promise, I won't ask for fuck"

He laughed a little. "Okay, saan tayo?"

We found ourselves drinking some beer,  The place is quiet with a mellow song that I can't recognize.

"When you went to abroad. What did you do there? I mean, why did you distanced yourself?"

"I don't know, I just needed some space. I really fell for you and I think it's my escape. I did not know I was pregnant, 'don ko lang nalaman after I missed few months period."

"Why didn't you tell me? I mean, your feelings? I thought we should tell eachother that"

"If I told you that, would it change anything? I mean, you were with Jessica. I just don't want to be the 'other' girl. You know? that type of girl. I was really hoping those sex were genuine. Grabe yun, everynight or even 3am I was hoping that I'll get a call saying that you don't want that kind of relationship and you want to be serious with me but still I'm left with my phone with a "Are you up" text message that I can't send" I laughed a little. Wow those night were my least favorite. I end up crying over something that is not there.

"Those days when you have practice, Jessica was there but I am also there. I sat at the far side of the bench just staring at you and how you hug and kiss after your game, It was insane. I saw how happy you were, I was hoping that those happiness were also shared with me. I'm left there with an empty feeling but I get filled with colors whenever you go to my room. It gave me so much hope, kasi iniisip ko na bakit ka pumupunta palagi sa'min kung wala lang ako sayo. But I guess I was wrong, I heard you were engaged" I smiled. A sad smile. I did not look at Nate baka mapaiyak lang ako.

"I went to abroad, I was really hoping that you'll do something para di ako makaalis but you just texted me that Jessica needs you. I was really hurt, Nate. napaiyak nalang ako kasi kahit goodbye nalang or what, wala akong natanggap"

"I really loved you, I was desperate for your love that I ended up being a sex friend" I sighed and let myself drown with pain that I tried to erase few years back.

I guess that pain would be my pleasure. It was painful but it made me realize that whatever I do. Nate will always have my heart.