Thursday, 6:30 A.M.
"Are you... still seeing him?" Tyler asks, his eyes intent on me though in a nonthreatening way. "-or did he just happen to like... I don't know? Show up while you were out there visiting your family?"
My first thought is to lie.
Do I really want to have to admit to Ty right now that I've basically been cheating on him since before we even started? Do I really want to risk having to go into why exactly it is that I couldn't leave Dane, even if I wanted to? Do I tell him that I'm literally just his number one prostitue that gets a privilege if I play my cards right? That Ty is only able to be a thing in my life because of my privilege?
Tyler is a good guy. He's going to believe anything I say to him right now, because he couldn't even fathom why I'd lie to him about this when he's coming into it with such good intentions.
Lying would be so easy- but I can't bring myself to do it.
"I'm still seeing him..." I mumble through my anxiety. It's almost crippling, but somehow I manage to push past it. "It's way more complicated than just telling him it's over, you know? I don't mean it to be cheating on you, I just... don't have a choice."
Ty nods his head understandingly, but I can still see a wave of maybe disappointment rush behind it.
"Because he'd hurt you, or something?" he asks, only to answer his own question in his head and move on. "How do you... do all of this Hayden stuff?" he asks, "Does the guy know about it? About me?"
I pick on the edge of his blanket nervously, contemplating too many different responses in my mind- but deciding to go with those closest to the truth.
"He knows about it all." I say lowly. My body shakes with anxiety- I'm expecting the worst right now. This is where it all falls apart, I'm sure. "He... lets me be Hayden, and do all of this. He says it's because he loves me, but it's just as long as I stay his Jenalyn. I have to stay his Jenalyn, or he'll take it all away."
Ty's brows furrow together in confusion. "His Jenalyn?" he asks with just as much confusion in his voice as there is on his face. "What does that even mean, his Jenalyn? You know you could end this all in a heartbeat, right? You're not his Jenalyn anymore, okay? You're my Hayden. You're the world's Hayden!"
Tears streak both of my cheeks as I grow slightly panicked at him insinuating I could just turn Dane in.
"No!" I cry out, shaking my head. "No, I don't want to do any of that, Tyler, please! It's too dangerous, and there are way too many people involved! Just, - no! Please!"
Ty's face remains confused, but he softens it to quickly tell me he's not going to make me do anything that I don't want to do.
"Who is this guy, Hayden?" he asks after a moment. "Why does he have so much power over you? Why do you let him have so much power?"
I take a deep breath, trying to gather myself from the near meltdown that caused. I turn to Ty with my face serious, but ashamed.
"He was my boyfriend..." I tell him with my voice weak. "-and my drug dealer, and eventually my pimp... but still my boyfriend!"
Tyler's face is so bewildered, slightly hurt, a little angry- but still just mostly... understanding.
"Your drug dealer..." he repeats, his face astounded. "-your pimp? Hayden, what the fuck? What were you doing there?"
I know that he means no malintent in his words, but I can tell by the tone of his voice that he wants to be a lot less understanding than he is. More tears stream down my cheeks as I try to rearrange the words that start to scramble in my mind.
"I- well, I was young! He had drugs. Drugs and money! I dont-... I don't know!" I try, but fail.
"What drugs do you use, Hayden?" he asks without hesitation, his voice growing a little more firm now. "Have you been using since being pregnant?"
I shake my head, "No!" I cry out, wiping the tears from my face only to soak it with new ones. "I haven't been doing any. I used to have a problem!"
Ty nods his head slowly, his brain so clearly working overtime to process the pile of shit I continuously keep throwing onto his plate. "And the pimp thing?" he asks almost reluctantly, "What the fuck is that?"
My heart pounds so loud in my chest,
that I'm almost positive he can hear it. I know that he can see how much more uncomfortable I grow- and I'm sure that if I told him I needed a break from this talk, that he'd give it to me...I'm already this far in though.
This far in, and I'm not losing him yet...
"I fucked up a lot with him..." I suddenly find my voice, though it grows weaker and weaker with each word. "He loved me so much, and I just... I cheated. I don't know why, but I did... and it broke him! He got so mean to me! He started hitting me, and telling me how worthless I was because I could do that to someone. Then he started to sell me because... well- that's his job... seller of goods and services."
Ty's face twists up in anger, and I can tell there is so much he wants to say, but feels totally incapable of doing so.
"Good and services, Hayden- you were pimped out?!" he practically yells as he makes his way over to the bed where I sit. "Jesus Christ! And you want me to keep this secret for you? Let you keep being 'his Jenalyn,' so that I can pick you up at the airport at 5 A.M. to find that he beat you up again?"
I'm full fledge bawling now- the mix of this whole conversation, and Ty's newfound anger is a little too much for me to process while my mind is going to shits.
"Are you clean, Hayden?" he asks suddenly, his hands wrapped around his forehead as if his head threatens to explode. "Shit, I don't mean to ask it like that- but a prostitue?! And you want me to-"
I interrupt him before he can continue- brushing past him, and toward the door as I manage to squeeze words out past my sobs. "I'm clean, Ty!" I yell as I reach the door and turn back around to him. "Just forget I told you, okay?! Forget all of this, please, and just act like you don't even know me!"
I go to walk out the door, but Tyler reaches me with a quickness, and spins me back around until I face him.
"I'm sorry!" he exclaims with his face still frustrated, but now pained. "I'm sorry for how I reacted but... what the fuck am I supposed to do?! How am I supposed to react upon finding this out? And then that you want to just keep doing it because you're scared about what'll happen if you even try to stop it?!"
I wasn't expecting him to come after me...
Any guy in their right mind would've taken that opportunity to abandon ship right there.
But not Tyler.
"Just... bear with me?" I find myself asking before I knew I was even ready to form words. "Bear with me because you love me, and you understand that I don't want this just about as much as you don't..."
Tyler sighs, and I can tell it's in a defeated tone. I know he doesn't want this to be the end of the conversation- but that he fears what'll happen if it continues, and I try to walk away from him again.
"It's not something that happens often..." I tell him, once again surprising myself with my own words. "I fucked up this time. I went there, and I shouldn't have. But... I promise you, from here on out I'll do whatever it takes to keep it from happening again..."

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Jenalyn: A Splitting Personality (#2) [Complete]
General FictionWhen Jenalyn left Philadelphia for a brand new life in California, she was sure Dane would kill her. That's the one thing he warned her against doing, so why wouldn't he? Ever the opportunist though, Dane found a way to keep her under his control...