Jenalyn: A Splitting Personality (#2) [Complete]

Chapter 81: Hayden

Tuesday, 12:34 A.M.

I can't tell if Tyler is acting differently towards me...

He's upset about what happened, that's apparent every time there's too much silence left between us, and he zones out. He has every right to be upset, honestly- but he's also just... oddly okay with me.

"Oh yeah- Bristol?" he asks after another one of our moments just zoned out, laying in bed watching TV. "Why didn't anyone tell me? I mean, I like it! But-"

I automatically know he's talking about the baby, and how Harper has self-proclaimed her name as Bristol. I cut him off with a laugh.

"That's what Harper thinks her name should be," I say matter of factly, raising my head from where it lay on his chest to look at him. "It's where I was born, but... I wasn't feeling it."

Ty laughs too, rubbing my back softly as he responds. "I like it," he says after a few moments, shrugging his shoulders. "But naming the baby is definitely something those dang Goldskateers are going to have to let us handle."

I laugh, nodding my head in agreement while I throw my leg over his hips and cuddle up closer to him.

I feel so right in his arms.

Jena wants to argue with me, and tell me that I can only feel right in Dane's arms. She wants to tell me that Dane is the only person who’s ever going to love a piece of shit like me for more than sex.

She doesn't know Hayden though. She doesn't know Tyler.

How could he lay here after everything I told him, after everything I've done to him in these past couple of days alone- and still make me feel so right just by holding me? It's just so... foreign to me.

I mean- don't get me wrong, I love Dane. In all of his fucked up craziness, and even his will to kill me- I can't help but love him because Jena loves him, and she's a part of me...

She's crazy. She's fucking crazy for loving a man who could beat her, rape her, even sell her- and then still turn around and tell her that he loves her. But I can't change who she loves.

After Hayden though? After Hayden got Ty, and after these past few days unloading my shit on him- fucking him over in the same way I fucked Dane over, and not getting beat, raped, or sold over it? I realized I can change who I love.

Jena can have her Dane, but I'm going to have my Tyler- and that's going to be a whole different gameplay.

"I'm really thankful for you, ya know..." I say suddenly, even to myself. I sit myself up on my elbow, though still half draped over his body, and turn from the TV to face him. "I think you're really, really going to help me get better, Ty."

Tyler pulls the arm not currently stroking my back from behind his head and grabs the remote beside him. He mutes the TV before returning his hand and leaning down to face me.

"What do you mean?" he asks, his eyes immediately engaged.

I let out a small sigh, using the time to contemplate my words, and if I even second guessing if I want to say them.

But Tyler deserves more than what I've given him.

"I know I keep fucking up..." I say after a few moments of silence left between us. "-and I really am sorry, Ty! I know it's stupid, but... I think it's just because I'm having a hard time eliminating the outlook my life before all of this had given me."

Tyler's brows furrow in slight confusion, but I can see how hard he tries to understand.

"You're not... fucking up," he says after a moment. "I think I just need to figure out like... how your head works or something, because sometimes I think you just kind of get in your own head, and get reckless."

I nod in total agreement, though Tyler definitely couldn't handle the shit that goes on in my head.

"Okay! And that's kind of what I was saying!" I exclaim excitedly as I realize just how accurate his interpretation of me could be. I sit up the rest of the way and purse my lips in contemplation of my next words. "So like... I know I'm Hayden now, but I haven't always been, right?"

He nods.

"Well... Jenalyn was really reckless. She was just... existing around all of the wrong people, and doing what she had to do to survive. It fucked her up in the head!" I continue, pausing only to take a breath before going on. "I may physically be Hayden, but you know I've been having a hard time transitioning. It's hard to just break those habits and perceptions on life just because I'm Hayden, and not Jenalyn now."

Tyler nods his head understandingly, his gaze hot on my face as I push myself to keep going.

"I think that you understanding that? And still loving me? It's really going to help me realize that not everybody in this world is out to get me..." I say. "I can change because there's something worth changing for now!"

Ty smiles, allowing a few moments for me to continue before he does. When I don't take the opportunity, he playfully grabs onto my wrists and pulls me on top of him into a bear hug.

"Well, I'm happy for you babygirl," he says into the top of my head. "I'm always going to love you... -Hayden, and Jenalyn. But…  if we could help the whole 'me having to share you' deal, then I'll be glad to love you just a little harder."

I smile in his embrace, pulling away from him only to laugh as I hear his response.

My body quickly grows full of emotion as I come to terms with how lucky I really am.

"Love me harder?" I giggle, climbing onto his lap as my body grows suddenly eager. "How do you plan on doing that?"

His brows raise as soon as I start to climb on top of him, and a familiar smile appears on his face before he responds.

"Well... maybe I lied about loving you hard..." he says, trailing off for a moment as he finds my hips with his hands. "I could love you really hard, but considering the fact that you snuck me in, that may not be the best idea..."

I giggle, grinding my hips very slight and slow as I lower myself until I'm inches from his face. "Aww, drats." I say sarcastically, "Think you could come up with another idea?"

In an instant, Tyler raises and gently tosses me on my back on the bed beside him before climbing up in between my legs. He lowers his face to my neck, kissing all of the right spots gently before raising his head until our noses practically touch.

"Think you could settle on me loving you a little softer for tonight?" he asks, his breath hot on my lips.

I'm already breathing heavy, my stomach tight with anticipation as his rock, pressed up against his pajama pants, rubs against my already swollen clit.

"I just want you to love me," I say into his mouth. "Love me any way you want- just love me."