Jenalyn: A Splitting Personality (#2) [Complete]

Chapter 93: Jenalyn

Wednesday, 9:04 A.M. EST

I don't know where I am when I come to, but I know that somewhere tucked in my purse, is a needle just waiting for me to rip it open. It's the first thing I think about as soon as I can think in general. 

Where is my purse? Wait- where am I? And why the fuck do I smell like this?!

I lay on a stiff, musky smelling bed in a dimly lit room filled with the smell of sex, and cigarette smoke. 

A motel room, I guess.

Vague memories of getting in the car with Rob fill my mind, but everything after pulling out of Creekside is shoddy.

He must've taken me somewhere like I asked... he probably went back to the apartment to wait for Dane to bring him here or something. I'm sure he'd hate to take the fall for a missing Jena, but Dane should be thankful he's helping to stop the 'Poptart family' from trying to steal me away.

I personally aim to be too high when he gets here to care.

I find my purse beside on the floor beside the bed, which works out in my favor because I'm still a little too under the influence to go looking for it.

I find the baggie and needle with little effort, but struggle to pull myself from the mattress because my body is too heavy as it falls from the high.

My baby momentarily passes my mind...How I was doing so well trying to bring her into this world, but how I was too weak and let her die.

Hayden passes my mind as a result- and how, for a while there, I could've actually been something. I could've been something more than... this.

I could've been something if I wasn't so fucked up in the goddamned head!

But I am. And honestly, even when I was trying my hardest- I couldn't change a thing about that. I tried so hard to be Hayden- to just pretend that me and my fucked up head never even existed- Look where that ended me up. 

I'm always going to be Jenalyn. I'm always going to fuck up everything good that I could ever have. I was just stupid to think otherwise.

The thoughts only push me to sit up and tear the needle from it's packaging faster. 

I don't even want to think about it.

The needle pierces my skin with a sting, and almost immediately makes my entire body feel hot. 

I know I should only let the pump slide down halfway like I had been since I started. I know that I should- but I keep pushing it down until I can't push down any further.

I close my eyes and breathe in, just waiting to slip away from conciousness fully, and into a sparkle filled doze where I don't have to worry about a thing.