Jenalyn: A Splitting Personality (#2) [Complete]

Chapter 54: Hayden

Thursday, 2:08 P.M.

"He didn't really whoop my ass," Gage says as Ty walks out the front door to make his way to the city. "I let him think that because... ya know, that's what big brothers do."

He shoots me a quick wink, shutting the fridge and leaning up against the counter opposite where I stand doing the same. 

Any other time I'd be hanging out with Gage, I'd have no problem finding words. Talking to him has always been so easy- that's how we've gotten as close as we have in the first place!

Somehow, right now though? I can't seem to find a single thing to say.

I feel like anything I say will lead us back to the point he'd been trying to make with me all day- that he wants me to be with him, and not Tyler. That he wants me in general.

I don't really think the monster that Jena has inside of me could ignore that, and I know that it's much stronger than I could ever be.

I don't want to risk it...

"Can I ask you an honest question?" Gage asks after a few moments of silence. "Well- can I get an honest answer?"

I know the conversation is about to head exactly where I don't want it to, but nod my head because I know I'm going to hear his question regardless.

Gage has gotten pretty persistent since this whole baby thing happened- like he expects me to just dump Tyler mid-pregnancy and start dating his twin brother or something... 

I mean, I'm sorry I broke his heart! Don't get me wrong! But I feel like I've always been pretty open with him about our relationship- I don't understand why everything has to change now.

"Yes, and... yes...?" I respond skeptically. 

Gage smiles and repositions himself until he's beside me. His eyes pierce into mine, the same way that Ty's do if you could believe it.

It excites me the same way, too...

"I just want to know what the difference is..." he asks with half of a smile on his face. "-between me and Tyler, through your eyes. Like- I know it sounds silly, but... why couldn't it have been me? What was like- that deciding factor?" 

I let out a laugh, probably nervously as I try to work my way around my mind to form a response.

"Hmm..." I say, furrowing my brows as I shift my weight to the opposite leg, and cross my arms over my chest in wonder. "That's a good one! A real... honest question!"

He nods and waits patiently as I rummage through my head. 

I'm not really sure how to answer this one- but force words from my lips anyway.

"I mean- I guess before Hayden- when I was younger and had first heard about you guys," I say as I catch the thoughts in my head. "Tyler was always like- my boyband crush, and you were always my best friend's..." 

Gage's jaw drops before he falls into a little bit of laughter. "Boy band?" he spits out like it's cooties in his mouth. "Please don't ever refer to Gen Z as a dinky little boy band!" he laughs.

I laugh too, only half mindedly as I continue catching onto thoughts floating through my head.

"-I guess it like... changed a lot after I met you guys, and started hanging out!" I quickly add on as I catch the thought. "I mean- I thought Ty was a huge fucking douche!" 

Gage laughs again, nodding his head in agreement. "He is!" he practically yells through his laughs, "That's why I don't even get it!" 

I laugh too, again with half of my mind. I continue to string along the best 'honest answer' I can give him, and that night I went to the Generation Z after party comes to mind.

I thought I had slept with Tyler Robson. I was ecstatic. I knew it was fucked up, under so many circumstances, plus the fact that he was my idol's fricken boyfriend! It was very different sex though... 

I guess up until now, knowing what I know- I thought that it was just different because it was 'Tyler' Robson, and that was the guy I'd literally dream about being with at night! Now, as I pull together different thoughts and memories, all from different corners and crevices of my mind- I know it was different for a whole other reason.

I've slept with a lot of guys I know nothing more than the name of- sometimes not even that much! That's not really a secret. Never have I ever been with a guy I didn't know though, and be made to feel as... special as I did that night...

I thought it was Tyler...

"I guess I just like... thought I lived out one of my dreams by sleeping with Tyler Robson at the after party that night. And it wasn't even... a groupie fuck. I think that, under different circumstances, we could be a thing..." I say kind of questioningly as I trail off in my head for a second. "Then when another one of my dreams was coming true, with Hayden and everything- I guess it just kind of seemed natural to go after that... and I did."

Gage's eyebrows furrow and the smile fades slowly from his face as I finish. "That wasn't even Tyler." he states matter of factly, "You mean to tell me that night was your deciding factor? Really?"

I'm in about as much disbelief as he is right now, but manage to shrug my shoulders and transition into a nod as I really think about it.

"That's some shit, Hayden!" he says with a laugh, though definitely underlying frustration. "You're trying to kill me, aren't you?! What do I do about it then? Huh? What can I do?"

My mind is definitely spiraling- the string of thoughts that made up my response make their way down to the monster. It happens fast, and too unexpectedly for me to even try to grasp it.

She's awake now.