Jenalyn: A Splitting Personality (#2) [Complete]

Chapter 67: Hayden

Sunday, 12:02 P.M.

"I don't care! He needs to be fired!" Harper yells as she clenches the driver's wheel and speeds through traffic frustratedly. "Like- why would you even do that, Hayden! What about Tyler! What the hell were you thinking?!"

I don't think I could feel any shittier than I've felt since I realized what Harper had seen earlier.  I've beat myself up enough about it- believe me...

Harper has seen Jena before. If anyone in Hayden's life, Harper knows Jena best!

Definitely not that part though.

"Harper, please!" I plead again, turning toward her though her eyes don't leave the road. "I don't care if he loses his job- just please don't go through Mama Gold to do it!! You can't just tell her to fire him without a fricken reason!"

Harper's eyes roll, but a look of both worry and anger spreads across her face following.

"I can't just fire him myself, Hayden!" she snaps. "Do you know how inappropriate that was? On both of your parts?! You need to own up to your actions just as bad as he does! Do you even know him?!"

I wish I could disappear. Was I really that stupid?

I thought I was really fighting Jena.

I was sure that her whispers in my ear when I was in the attic with Frank were just a means for her to try and control me. I didn't know she was right about him... I didn't know I'd need her anyway!

Well... I thought I needed her. Look where that got me though.

What if that was the point all along? Another ploy for Jenalyn to fuck Hayden's life up? That's what she wants, right?

Well, I guess she's accomplishing it.

"No, I didn't know him, Harper!" I snap, but only out of the frustration I can't help but feel towards myself. "I just- ...I don't know why I did it, okay? It just happened! Please just don't say anything!"

Harper clenches the wheel tighter, glancing over at me only to turn back to the road with her jaw dropped in disbelief.

"Things like that don't just happen, Hayden!" she snaps. "You didn't even fricken know the guy! How does that just happen?!"

Harper would be so surprised. So so surprised. Once Jena takes the wheel? Shit like that happens all the fucking time.

"Please just keep it between us?" I state rather than I ask, in a tone that's probably dripping with defeat.

I don't even have the energy anymore- Jena won, and unless Harper is going to fucking magically decide that the world isn't as tiny and fragile as she's been groomed to see it- I'm just going to have to deal with it.

Harper continues to clench her wheel, her knuckles practically popping from her fingers, she holds it so tight. She sighs, glances at me once again, and then pulls a hand from the wheel to brush a few stray hairs from her heated with anger face.

"You need to tell me what happened, Hayd." she says with another small sigh. "That was... not okay. At all. Had Mom not been so up Harlee's ass, and got the call instead? Showed up to pick you up? You'd have probably killed her! I'm going to... try and understand here. I'll keep it between us, but you're going to tell me."

My heart suddenly leaps with hope- physically causing me to sit up and turn toward her with my eyes wide. I don't hear anything else she says except that she'll keep it between us.

Jena won't fucking win! She won't fucking taint Hayden's life with her filth until they throw me out like the garbage she wants me to be!

Like the garbage that she is.

"Ohmigod Harper, for real?" I excitedly exclaim. "You're really going to keep it between us? I thought I was done for!"

Harper side eyes me with a weak smile, though I can see that she has to force it because the ghost of her worriedness still shows on her face.

"You need to tell me what happened," she says, definitely not sharing the excitement, but with a lot less frustration. "Like... what happened, for real?"

I wouldn't even know what to tell her honestly. I don't really... know what happened for real.

Well, for real in her eyes.

Aside from the stupid psychologists and psychiatrists that the state forced on me basically as soon as I could speak- I've never really verbalized to anyone what happens in my head.

How fucking crazy it is up there...

"Well..." I start to say, contemplating whether or not she'd even believe someone could be as fucked up as me. I mean- it's Harper... She's Harlee Gold's sister. Based off of how strict Mama G is with me, I could only imagine the sheltered life they’ve lived. "He was showing me the attic... and I just decided I wanted to have sex with him, I guess... so we did it."

She couldn't handle it. There's no fucking way she could handle the truth- so I lie.

How do I even begin to try and explain that my head is not mine? That I've got so many thoughts, so many feelings, so many emotions and even physicalities inside of my head, that aren't mine?

How do I explain that ever since Hayden, I've adopted a new voice up there that some of the other voices hate? envy? want to sabotage?

How do I fucking explain that what happened back there wasn't me?

Even thinking about it in my head, I sound like a fucking lunatic. Why the hell wouldn't she believe that, too?!

"I found you in the library." Harper states matter of factly, turning to face me as she stops at a red light. "You decided you wanted to have sex with him in the attic and proceeded to move to the dusty remnants of a construction site to do it?"

Harper narrows her eyes at me before I can respond, shaking her head and continuing before I can even open my mouth.

"Tell me the real deal, Hayden." she says a little more stern than her previous tone had been. "I would've believed your little story had you not slipped up on the facts- but nice to know you'll lie to me- I can see how much it means that I'm willing to keep your secrets."

Well, ouch...

I can't tell if that's a threat or not, but guilt is quick to wash over me as I watch Harper turn back to the road with an angry, yet disappointed eye roll.

Harper is pretty great.

She's legitimately been there for me since she met me... and even knowing some of the things she did from early on, before Hayden, she hasn't threatened to disown me, or even call me crazy. I mean- I guess she knows some pretty fucked up shit...

She knows about the 'crazy East Coast Boyfriend..'

She knows I was in an abusive relationship- and that 'he's' actually the father of my baby...

She even knows about my drug addictions- and honestly, nobody over here really knows the extent of it like she does...

I go to form words in my head, figuring out how I could try to explain the truth to her. Harper let's out a loud sigh though, putting her car in park as she lowers the window for mom's gate.

"Is it because he's at the hospital with Sophie?" she suddenly asks with a tone in her voice that just sounds like she'd been dreading bringing it up.

My chest tightens. I know right away that she's talking about Tyler. And Sophie. And Tyler's baby. His real baby...

"If it's because of that, Hayden- that is not how you handle it!" she continues again, her voice stern as she drives up mom's driveway. "He's there for the baby, Hayden! He's not there for her!"

My mind has been pretty silent since Jena abandoned ship after seeing Harper earlier. I guess she's intrigued enough to throw her two cents in now though- because before I know it, I hear her just start to come through in the back of my mind.

He's there for them... and he wasn't there for you.