Jenalyn: A Splitting Personality (#2) [Complete]

Chapter 89: Jenalyn

Wednesday, 6:56 A.M. EST

"I'm not... doing it..." I mumble through my tremors, using what feels like the last bit of life inside of me to try and make it sound firm.

I fail- but I know it'd sound firm if I wasn't down here on this floor, suffering from whatever the fuck this is.

I'm not giving into his game... that's not what I came here for! My intentions, Hayden or Jena, were never to let him kill my baby! I guess somewhere deep inside of me, I knew he'd try- but... I also knew I'd fight it.

But Jesus, how I want to give in.

The time that's passed has done absolutely nothing for the come down I'm going through. I thought it'd get better, but it's only gotten worse.

Dane raises himself from the floor beside me with the assortment of baggies still gripped in both of his hands. "You sure about that?" he asks as I hear him plop down onto his bed. "Any one of these would do the trick, babygirl."

I can't give in. No matter how bad I want to, I just can't.

Dane thinks I'm weak- that's why he did this.

He flooded my system with a drug he knew would have an unbearable come down, just so that he could sit there and offer me my choice of a variety of drugs he'd picked out knowing they'd be 'the cure.'

Drugs he picked out knowing how easily using it one time would turn into many for me- Drugs he knows would end a pregnancy if used the way I always end up using them...

"I'll wait it out..." I say, curling my body back up into fetal position the best I can when it grows overwhelmingly cold again.

I know I'm annoying him the more that I deny his 'offer-' but he laughs in a way that says he doesn't care because he knows he'll win in the end.

"Babygirl, I just pumped you full of a drug that requires only one hit to feel." he says matter of factly. I can just imagine the smug smile on his face based off the tone in his voice. "You'll die in a pile of your own shit before you fully come down from this shit. It's no fucking joke, Lil Bit."

I let out a long groan, the spasms in my muscles causing charlie horses all throughout my calves. It hurts so bad that I can feel my stomach twist in pain.

What if there's already something wrong with the baby? What if that was enough to kill it?

The thought makes my chest hurt, but I can't help myself from sneering at Dane instead of focusing on that pain.

"You probably already killed it then!" I say between my teeth gritted together in pain. "So just leave me alone! You got what you wanted already!"

I can feel the floor vibrate three times before I realize that he's quickly making his way to me, probably angry not only at my will- but my attitude now, too. In an instant, my head is being pulled from the floor by the bun sitting on the top of my head. Dane jerks my neck until I face him, probably knowing damn well I can't see him through the spin-vision that his stupid blunt had given me.

"That's not what I want at all," he says sounding as though his jaw is clenched in contained anger. "-but if that's the case- I see no reason for you to sit here and deny my uh... very generous offer."

I can't help myself from agreeing with his last statement.

The only thing keeping me from drugs is this baby and Hayden's life. If I don't have either anymore... why am I stopping myself?

I try to push the thought from my head, the idea of it too intriguing to different parts of me to allow myself to go any further with it.

The baby could still be alive in there... and her life isn't worth the gamble.

"Just in case." I practically spit.

Dane drops his grip on my jaw instantly, roaring something loudly as he stomps back to his bed, and then to the desk by the side of his closet. I hit the ground hard, but it's nothing compared to the pain I'm already experiencing so it's easy to look right past it. A few moments pass before I feel his presence beside me.

In the time he was gone- I had traveled to the sun, and then right back to the North Pole as far as my body was concerned.

God... I want to just give in.

"So here's what we'll do then, miss cautious-" he says as I feel him croutch back down until he's beside where I lay on the floor. He drops something on the floor in front of my face before he goes on again, leaving me time to crack open my eyes to see a gallon ziplock bag full of the same pre-rolled blunt he'd given me earlier.

"You can wait this out... if you want." Dane says. "But I'll just have you smoke another whole blunt when you're finished, alright? You can spend the rest of your life on this floor, zonked out for all I care since you're so gung-ho about this baby. You can raise it, and let it die anyway because you know damned well I ain't taking care of it- but it's mother is still fucked up on the bedroom floor! Is that what you want, Lil Bit?"

I don't even know why I try to shake my head. Certain muscles have just not been working since the come down. The ones in my neck are some of them.

I just can't bring myself to say anything right now... too many parts of me are starting to take his side in this, and are considering just choosing a drug.

"Let me put it to you this way," Dane says after a few moments of silence left to eat at my head. "You're damned if ya do, damned if ya don't... The only thing I need to know right now, is what type of damned would you rather?"

Dane pauses for a moment, reaching behind him to the bed where he'd left the assortment of baggies.

"You can lay there, Jena. Hot, cold, tense, weak, trembling like a fucking chihuahua... you can do that! You really think you're more than just a junkie whore from Creekside? I'll let you have that!" he says, his voice heavy in my ears. "Or you can swallow your fucking pride, and realize that even if not now, you're going to beg me for every single one of these drugs. Because you're nothing more than a junkie whore from Creekside."

He must think he's talking to Hayden.

I don't even take offense to his words, because he's not telling me anything I didn't already know.

I am just a junkie whore from Creekside, just like he said.... So why would I think I could fight this just because I'm supposed to be a mother?

I should know, better than anyone, that junkies don't make good mothers.

I'd have to give in at some point... I can't just lay here like this forever- and I know to prove his point, Dane really would let me.

There wouldn't even be a baby after that!

My eyes swell with tears as I feel myself backing further and further into a corner that I don't know how to get myself out of...

I'm in no mindstate to even think I can maintain this strength anymore.

At least if I just take something, anything to where I'll feel better? Maybe I could just stop after that, and salvage whatever life this little girl still has inside of me.

I'm a junkie whore from Creekside, and I may not be the best mother for this little girl- but I want her!

This isn't going to be the end.

I use what again feels like the last bit of strength left inside of my body to turn my head to where Dane sits crouched on the floor beside me. "Just give me anything." I say coldly.

He smiles and nods as if he'd won his game already- but the game is not over yet.

All you have to do, I hear myself reassuring in the back of my head. Is stop after the first dose...

Stop after the first dose, and I can still try to beat this.