Thursday 1:30pm
The definition alone seems more fun then actually going through it, but then again I don't think there's a definition for alone.
Alone is a feeling that I wish I could shake off, every day and night I lay in my bed staring up at my dark ceiling or staring out my window.
My heart rattles from the constant sobs because I can't seem to control my emotions. I been alone for too long.
Even in a full room I'm alone. That's how it's been and that's how it's always gonna be. I can't think like that but when there's no one around me I can't help but feel so helpless and desperate.
One conversation. For fucks sake let me at least hold a hand to sleep so this feeling would go away.
But it's hard. I push every possible caring person away, I'm afraid there gonna walk out my life just like everyone else.
6:34pm
"Hey yoongs you okay, you've been kind of distant all day" Joon ask me as I pass by him. No I haven't been okay joon it's the 9490th day that I went home feeling like crap, everyday is a constant routine.
"Sure" I reply heading out the door, I stuff my hands in my pockets letting the cold wind hit my face. It's a routine every single day the only thing that changes for me is the goddamn weather.
I walk in my house slipping off my shoes and coat. Entering my bathroom or what I call my mental break down spot, turning on my shower.
Just last night I cried in the shower, shit I'm so fucking pathetic.
8:04pm
The tv was making sound but I decided to just mute it while I blankly eating my reheated food. I sigh dropping my fork reaching over to turn off my tv there's no use anyways I'm not paying attention to it, gotta save money anyways.
I flop back on my bed sheets staring up at my ceiling; shapes, numbers, colors all appear above me as the darkness consumes me. This is the only color I will ever see in my life before I close my eyes which will be long from now
Yoongi suffers from depression from being alone all his life. His parents divorced, half assed dad doing bare minimum and his mother who struggles with her own problems barely keeps her head above water.
He has a older brother who took care of him most of the time before venturing off to have his own life leaving Yoongi alone once again.
The only person who can say that see him constantly is Namjoon and that's only because the guy works side by side with him in a cheap studio that surprisingly pays the bills.
He didn't ask to be alone but it seems like every time a person walks in his life they walk right back out. He feels its best he lives alone for the rest of his life. Even though he doesn't want to.
