9:45am
"First session, so let's get to know each other" he's young. Great. How is he gonna help me out when I'm older then him. "I'm Minjun Choi, I'm 29 and I'm your therapist now it's your turn" jesus why is talking to me like I'm a baby. I guess he is older then me. "I'm Yoongi Min, I'm 26 and I'm your patient" I respond picking at not my sleeve but Hoseok sleeve, unfortunately he isn't here but I been wearing his clothes.
"So the first question is how sad are you from a scale of one to ten" I roll my eyes sighing, those questions I got those all through high school I'm at a scale of a 1000 gonna give me a 1000 kisses no your not Mrs. Sechun so just mind your damn business. "Ten" I respond still not sparing him my looks because hell no.
"Why ten, and not 9.5 like you put on your paper" he ask flipping through his clipboard papers that I spent almost all morning filling out. There was no answer as I felt so small, I don't want to be here anymore.
"Do you know why your feeling this way? If you tell me then I can start you on the path of being a better you" total bull crap but I can't judge I'm here listening to him.
I couldn't say anything I wanted to but my voice was gone, I believe I was stuck. "Fine let's cut the crap you won't talk you are obviously not to fond of the basic questions" I glanced up at him my eyes slightly widen. "Who do you think is the main cause of your loneliness or the main people?" He ask getting up from his chair only to sit at the end of his desk to look at me.
"Yoongi?" I was afraid to say something, I don't like it when people force me to say something. "Are you afraid to say anything, everything you say stays with me you know" my sleeve seem to be the only thing keeping me from talking.
I want to hold Hoseok hand and just forget I'm here. "Well we have an hour left in here so I'm gonna do my work you can just sit there and think" he states going back to sit at his chair.
Literally fifteen minutes into our silent treatment I felt my eyes start to water. I hate when people just ignore me it's like he's just here for the money, not caring to help me at all. It's so quiet I hate all of this.
I let out a choke noise covering my face as I started crying. I don't know how long later but soon I felt his presence infront of me "it's me I cause everything because of you, because of everyone they all treat me the same" is what I blurt out in the mixture of my breakdown.
My chest starts to feel heavy on me, suddenly I can't breathe an everyday task has became difficult for me. My wrist is aching for me to just cut it open, I can't believe I'm breaking down on our first session. "Calm down Yoongi and breathe before you give yourself a heart attack" Minjun say rubbing my shoulder. "Good then maybe I can die so I won't have to be here" I blurt out pushing his hand away.
"I don't want to be here anymore why isn't anyone getting that" he steps back away from me sitting back on the corner of his desk. "What about the people who want you here" I let my head fall to my lap as I pull at my hair.
"He was all I had, they were all I had and they just took everything for granted so many nights alone talking to the ceiling, sky, hell even the moon just to find answers, to talk to them again but no one ever came so what's the point anymore" my heart actually hurts from my hard cries. He pats my shoulder again "I can't breathe" I blurt trying to knock his hand off my shoulder.
I don't know how long but he just stood there watching me have a hard time breathing until I stopped.
"You won't help either" I whisper taking the tissues from out his hand wiping my nose. "So those are the attacks you experience" is all he say grabbing his clipboard. On the papers I wrote that I have these random attacks from post up emotion.
"Yoongi, I can't help if you don't help me I can promise you that I will help you with everything but you have to trust me" he states squatting down infront of me. "My brother, my family, namjoon they make me feel very alone" I whisper to him.
His watch starts beeping, "and that concludes our session see you tomorrow Yoongi" he pats and stands up walking over to his desk. He passes me my phone and goes to open the door, I look up looking around not even realizing my two hours went by with us doing nothing. "It can't be over" I say getting up, "but it is next time okay" he replies touching my shoulder.
