4:57pm
My back hit the wall as I felt my chest clog up, I actually couldn't breathe. I can't believe I just blurted that out. Jae catches me and tries holding me but all I want to do is push him away because once again I'm stuck in between staying in his arms or leaving them so I won't get attached again.
"Get off of me, don't try and cheer me up, don't say sorry because you aren't sorry, don't come up with some bullshit excuse at this point I don't want to hear your explanation that's probably gonna make me see nothing but shit and then I forgive you and then everything goes back to how it was where you say nothing to me for months but then one night call me laughing telling me about some shit that happened to you."
"Jae I love you so much you are my bestfriend, I look up to you even when I'm in destress I still look up to you everything you do I wanna do."
I push his hands away from almost falling to the floor but he catches me. "Yoongi breathe okay just breathe" he whispers taking me to the couch holding me up, he places me on the couch letting me rest my weary head on his shoulder as I cry. He slowly lifts my sleeve seeing the cuts marks on wrist from that night, the night I wish I could be in right now.
He places his shaken hand on my wrist closing his eyes tight. "Oh my god Yoongi" he whispers and now he was the one crying. Jae makes Yoongi sit up and look at him "I know you don't want to hear it but I am sorry Yoongi I really am never in my life do I look for ways to hurt you, you know you are always my number one priority everything I do is for you" Yoongi nods blinking hard on his tears.
"I'm sorry I don't text you or call you, I'm sorry I left, I'm sorry I left you here all by yourself without telling you anything, I'm sorry for taking everything for granted for not even seeing how broken you really are, sorry for mistreating mom" Yoongi wanted to believe all those sorries he really did but his heart felt as if it was too late.
"Please don't be doubtful Yoongi I really mean it, I mean all of it" Jae pleads already knowing Yoongi second thoughts. "You're just gonna do the same thing to me like you been doing" Yoongi pleads clutching his heart. "No I won't!" Jae yells startling Yoongi, he stops crying so loudly and hiccups as he keeps his head down.
"I left because I just didn't know who I was anymore, I know if I told you then you would be disappointed in me I hated seeing you judge me, everyone judges me everyone is always disappointed in me it's like I'm not enough" Jae states feeling like his hands were numb.
"No one judges you everyone is worried about you, everyone cares about you just want better for you the things you did weren't you jae, if you talked to me you would have known how I truly felt you know I don't judge our family doesn't judge either and you know that."
"I know I should have told you everything and I do regret not doing so" Jae admits finally wiping his nose with his sleeve. In a way him and Yoongi are alike, Yoongi is just a bit more sensible. "One night me and you were just talk as usual but then you left and I thought you were gonna come back but you didn't, I stayed at the window in our window and stared out of it crying because I thought you were annoyed by me and just left, the next day it was my birthday and all you did was send me a text saying happy birthday and how you were gonna come over to spend the day with me but you never did jae, I got all dressed up that day for nothing, all I ask is for you to fill in my empty gaps please" Yoongi cries.
"Just fill those empty gaps" Yoongi whispers feel as if there were no more tears left to cry.
