5:15pm
I look at him with my fist balled up, so tell everyone I tried to fucking kill myself nice going. "You told him!!" I yell and jae nearly jumps, "yeah go ahead and tell everyone my business jae as if I want them to know didn't even try to get my say in anything" I bawled pulling at my hair slightly.
"So you just want us to move past that we almost lost you and we wouldn't have known a thing Yoongi!! Listen to yourself and try to make some fucking sense I told them because we love and care for you and want you alive with us!!" His voice is louder and stronger which scares me so much. God I messed up everything didn't I? he's so angry at me.
Please don't curse at me jae, please don't yell at me I'm so sorry. "Just fuck off and leave me alone okay don't bother talking to me okay because everything is pure bullshit you asshole!!" I try to use every possible cruse word because I'm just so angry at everyone—more at myself. "Yoongi calm down please I'm sorry I didn't mean to say anything" he tries to reason I turn away whimpering bitting harder on my lip to stop the sob from coming.
"You lied to everyone about me and then you go against me—I hate you!!" I turn around pushing him and he had this dark look in his eyes. He pushed me back harder, taking a good swing at my eye—knocking me into the brick wall breathing hard through his nose. Silence and my knocked out wind gasp is only heard through the cold night.
He unravels his fist face soften as he tries to reach out from me but I turn my head away letting a tear trickle down. "I'm so sorry Yoongi" he whispers but I stand up wobbling over from such a hard impact, "fuck you" spit walking away.
10:25pm
Walking back into my mother house, everyone was gone leaving the house empty as if no one was ever in here. I turn off the living room tv walking into the bathroom seeing a bruise slightly forming on my right eye. Opening the freezer grabbing a frozen bag sitting at the dinner table. Wincing once the coldness touched my swollen, pulsing eye.
Sighing still tasting blood in my mouth from earlier, jae should have knocked me harder. Crying silently from pain—my head just keep replaying that scene how could he do that to me. I deserve it but I'm his brother, BLOOD BROTHER. "Dumpling" her soft voice always seem to lax my mind at times, she sits across from me grabbing my frozen hand.
"He didn't mean it" who is he, my father or jae either way I don't care I'm not in the mood. "Leave me alone mom I'm not in the mood" I tell her quietly and she scuffs at me "don't talk to me like that" she tells me getting up taking the frozen food off my face.
"Ouch" I whisper when she touches my eye, "you two need to stop this you are brothers I raised you to love each other not fight" she lessons me and I just block her out. I could really use Hoseok right now but he probably wants nothing to do with me.
"So I'm just suppose to forget and forgive—I'm tired mom please talk to me later" I stand walking away from her going in my room. Laying under my blankets after an hour of a cold shower my hair is cold and heavy as I cry on my side staring outside my window. I miss Hoseok so much, I miss Joon, I miss jae, I miss having that free feeling when I was with Hoseok.
I hate being alive, I hate living here on this earth being such a failure I hate everything.
