Wednesday 11:21am
"Baby" I'm crying this time in a corner of this white room they locked me in because it's apart of my schedule. The medication side effects literally frighten me, I hallucinate, vomit, get super drowsy, act all fucking loopy like some damn drug addict. This is my meditation room where I let out all my feelings whenever we have relaxing days.
"Yoongi you sound out of it....are you crying" I don't know if I'm actually talking to Hoseok on this phone they gave me or if I'm just hallucinating. "Are you r-real?" I ask looking around the room twitching, it was silent on the other line. Shutting my eyes tight I sob dropping the 'phone' crawling myself more in a ball.
IM LOSING TIME—I DONT KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS BECAUSE I LOST TRACK OF TIME.
11:49am
Hoseok opens up his laptop searching up the medication that was prescribed to Yoongi. The phone call earlier was eerie to hear that didn't sound like his baby. Dr. Sao has kept him updated with his progress but she said another doctor came into the home giving all the patients new medication which included Yoongi. Nothing seemed right to Hoseok, lately Yoongi has been looped up and locked in a room because it's apart of his 'schedule'.
The medication sounded like it was killing Yoongi slowly, Hoseok drew the line when he saw the many cases from this pill—it kills people. Closing his laptop he grabs his keys rushing to his truck. Tapping his fingers against the wheel as he drive straight to the home visiting hours is approaching soon anyways.
Hopping out his truck he walks inside looking around not seeing Dr. Sao anywhere but many patients out with friends or family members. Knocking on a door that said doctor room, figuring that she should be in here. A quiet come in was heard and Hoseok walked in closing the door behind him. "Ahh Mr. Jung visiting hours just started—but Yoongi is kind of isolated right now" she tells him and Hoseok looks over at her desk seeing files scattered.
"I'm here to talk about Yoongi—the medication and the treatments they don't seem right—I know the medicine relaxes him but I just want him to have a clear mind not a loopy mind where he's out of it for the moment.....I want him better and it just seems like you guys are drugging him to make him think he's better when he isn't."
"When I lay in bed I constantly dream about his suicide attempts—I vividly remember our phone call and how his voice was full of broken glass—when it ended I still felt the chills and racing heartbeat hoping he made it."
"The days past and I ended finding his hospital and connecting all the dots together—as time I passed I saw how he distracted himself from being sad and he tried to make himself believe he was okay when he wasn't—I knew he was gonna break again because I saw it happen before he even attempted his second suicide attempt."
"Imagine the fear when I entered his apartment and saw him laid out on the bed the thoughts that slipped in my mind is unspeakable I thought I was gonna witness him taking his last breath—so the fact that he stays here and goes through this series of treatments and still calls me crying is what blows me—but the papers Dr. Sao the files and logs show me different like you are trying to convince me that he will be okay to release in a couple weeks."
"I want him off the medication—I want him living not dying but I don't think you know the difference because to you these patients didn't want to live in the first place so it's better off they die right.....not my Yoongi or anyone else in here."
"Mr. Jung I wasn't the one who decided he take these pills—I don't like the new system around here and I try my hardest to change it" she explains to him but Hoseok isn't trying to reason he wants things to change now.
"If you were trying then I wouldn't have him fucking hallucinating calling me asking if I'm real and all this other bullshit—he's drowsy every fucking day he doesn't remember what he ate in the morning doesn't that show that he needs better care!" Hoseok is furious and Dr. Sao understands completely.
Her door opens and Yoongi stumbles in being held by two male nurses, "he demanded to see you" one nurse speaks and Hoseok sees the struggle Yoongi is having trying to stay conscious. "Seokie" he mumbles looking up noticing his boyfriend was here unexpectedly.
Hugging Hoseok tightly he burst into more tears grasping onto Hoseok shirt, "let's leave them alone" Dr. Sao suggests figuring she should continue her conversation with Hoseok and Yoongi another time. "It's okay baby—why are you crying" Hoseok whispers hugging him back soaking in his baby warmth that still radiates even through the mist of cold tears.
"Because I feel like I have to" Yoongi whispers almost climbing on top of Hoseok because he just doesn't want to let go of him. Picking Yoongi up they sit on the couch holding each other ignoring just about everything except for themselves.
