8:23am
I woke up feeling cold, I then realized I had another break down and threw all my covers and pillows everywhere. My phone buzzed beside me, "yes" my voice broke through the phone as I answered it seeing it was only joon calling me.
"What kind of coffee you want" I stare off for two seconds before rolling onto my back groaning and stretching, "ice black" I answer hanging up.
After my shower and crappy ass breakfast I make my way to the the studio. Joon approached me handing me my cup, "no thanks" he ask smiling something I don't do ever. "Sure" I reply opening my computer.
"You know yoongs being nice can help you out for once" he say plopping down next to me. I can definitely feel his bright energy off his body, see joon is better then me in ways.
He's not severely depressed like me but he does have some problems that I wished I had . The kid still goes out and be happy unlike me who locks myself in my room and possibly do some regretful things to myself.
"Any new incomes" I ask sipping on my drink for once, it's very bitter but that's how I like it and not because I'm sad it's just the taste wakes me up.
"Yeah he wanted you to listen to his new beat, I told him you'll get to him as soon as possible" I nod at joon words and turn in my chair back to my computer. A little icon pops up on my computer screen, I click it seeing it was a track.
I place the headsets on clicking play. So far the song wasn't that bad actually it was pretty decent for a beginner. "So what do you think" Joon ask as if he was the artist, I glanced at him before unplugging the headsets.
"Good can do some touch ups but it's nice for a song" he claps his hands in excitement before rushing out the room. "See you later yoongs" his voice filled with cheery bells as he waves out the room.
Now I was alone in the room with only my computer being the source of light in here.
9:03pm
I get home not even bothering to make me anything to eat, actually for the past three hours I haven't moved from my position.
I sat infront of my window running my fingers along my covered foot as I sit in silence. I want company over but everyone busy. I want to talk to someone but no one answers.
I wish I could go back to the times when my older brother was actually around, I'm not saying he shouldn't have a life. I want him to be happy with someone I just wish he'll let me in, I wish he would tell me everything like I tell him everything.
I always be open to him even when I feel like he's gonna judge me or actually not listen to me I still speak. But when it comes to him I get the close door, did I do something wrong?
Am I annoying?
Am I not as important as you are to me?
What happen to telling each other everything? What happen to our times that I still think about? Do you think about them too?
What happen to never leaving me alone? Remember when I told you I have a fear of being alone? What the hell happen to that?
I feel selfish, I feel so bad and guilty for wanting you around again but I just can't handle this sudden change. I try I honestly do try not to show how angry I am when you suddenly pop up and then disappear from me. You except me to just stay quiet?
You expect me to just forget how you left with no notice or anything? Fuck my feelings yeah. Yeah well fuck you too, god damn it I don't mean that shit I love you to pieces hell I do anything for you.
Aw shit I'm crying again. No sleep for me.
