9:00am
My family day was pushed back because of another outburst I had. It's been a whole week and I haven't said a word to anyone except for Chan and Jinyoung who ask me typical roommate things.
My outburst consisted of me locking myself in the bathroom and crying hard because I freaked out about having to make interactions. I don't like this place everyone is to into everyone and that's not me at all. I can't be left alone because that's not how it goes in 90 day homes.
Going into two weeks I haven't had family day, one because of my outburst and two because I refused to see my family. I need some time first and everything is so sudden and brand new I'm just so scared I want to go home. Please let me go home.
Staring blankly out the window at this big tall tree that stands just a couple inches away from the house. I hear someone come and sit infront of me but I didn't want to look. "So is this how you planned to spend the rest of your weeks—sulking and freaking out about everything because your letting fear get infront of you" that voice felt unfamiliar but familiar.
Looking to see it was Jungkook, "Hoseok called me saying you been needing of my company—90 day homes am I right they seem pointless but do you realize why your here?" He ask me looking at the same tree as me.
"What's this fear—tell me I swear it's only me" sighing I look down before glancing up at him. "I fear myself—I don't think I will ever get better in my life it's been so long that I been having this feeling and now all of a sudden everyone comes into my life with opening arms encouraging me to get better but they don't understand it" I complain to Jungkook wanting to scratch at my arms but I remembered that Hoseok hates when I harm myself when I'm being emotional.
"Okay we don't understand you but you understand yourself—you know when you aren't feeling it, you know yourself more then anyone—instead of worrying about the people it's time to think about Yoongi this whole thing is dedicated to you think of this as some grammy—an award show for Yoongi but at some point your gonna have to get across that stage with the trophy" setting back not like everyone else I let Jungkook words sink into my brain.
"I didn't have anyone Yoongi but I knew somewhere along the line I was gonna either have to run or fly—yeah this has happened all your life but that doesn't mean it needs to continue some things take longer then excepted" nodding at his words he smiles and scoots over to sit next to me.
"This is your time to cry, let out any pent up feeling because you promised hobi—it's our mission to keep him happy" he holds his fist up and I look at him with a confused look but he just smiles and keeps his fist. I pound it and he laughs slightly "I'm always here even if you feel as I'm not the right person just know I'm here—my words don't have to work now but just take what I said" he reminds me and I smile looking down.
"Even when I feel like I'm away from him you seem to be there" I tell him and he shrugs "a lot people say I act like hobi hyung—I was around him for most of my life" he tells me bringing his knee up sighing. "I believe in you" his words circle around my head even after he left me. I thanked Dr. Sao for letting me have a visitor even when it felt like I didn't deserve it.
3:30pm
"How has it been" my mother ask as they all sit around me at the outside tables, I nod with a closed off smile and glance at my dad and Jae. "Dr. Sao told me what happen and we just wanna say we're here with you for this long journey" my mother reassured and I nod still feeling uneasy around my father.
It was quiet which I found extremely uncomfortable once they came to visit me. "Sorry for not telling you about my boyfriend" I spit out watching my father eyes look away from as he sighed. "I'm sorry for not being a good son and fixing my problems like you raised me—sorry for being so sudden on my feelings and not telling you about this being my third 90 day home" all three of them look at me like I'm speaking another language.
"Seriously Yoongi—I'm going to the car" my mother tries stopping my dad but he insists that he needs fresh air. My mom follows behind him leaving me and jae "don't worry about them" jae tells me rubbing my shoulder but I take his hand off my shoulder.
"Please don't comfort me about there dumb behavior—sorry that I feel this way but it just seems like my family doesn't care not to add how you been acting strange for months" sighing at me jae looks at me before massaging his finger. "Where is your ring?" I ask just now noticing that he didn't have his engagement ring on.
"I been going through a lot of shit Yoongs and I been trying to hide it and find the right time for you but there is never a right time with you—I'm not blaming you or anything it's just" I felt my chest starting to get heavy. "No I understand completely I understand I'm just fucking selfish" I mutter before leaving back into the house.
