Saturday 10:27am
"No family members today?" Hoseok ask Yoongi as he watches the younger eat the food he snuck in for him. Yoongi complained how the food literally is so disgusting if he didn't die from hyperthermia then it would definitely be from the food.
"No" Yoongi responded looking up from his now empty plate of breakfast food. "Did you sleep good?" Hoseok ask finally opening his food, "yeah" is the last word shared for a couple minutes while the boys eat.
Hoseok got up to go throw there food away before plopping down in the bed. I like him sitting this close to me he makes me feel warm and comfortable. Even though he's barely touching me still I want him close.
"How long are you gonna be here, I mean I know for awhile since your on a watch" Hoseok ask looking around the white room. "I have shown signs of early dismissal so I leave tomorrow but someone has to come and get me but I didn't tell anyone about me" Yoongi say pushing his table away.
"I'll come and get you" now he's being way to nice. He can't come and get me that's like extreme. "No Hoseok you have important things to do I'll just have to talk to my family" I say denying his offer.
"Yoongi you can't call your family tomorrow and except them to just come and get you and not freak out to you being at the hospital for self harm issues, you are important okay" I blink frequently as my voice ran around in circles in my head. "Okay" I whisper brushing down my clothes.
"What have you been doing for the past week here?" He ask grabbing my hand, it's like he knew I was basically screaming out for him to grab my hand. "They made me talk to someone about what happen in order for me to show recovery signs, gave me therapists cards and the usual check up" I reply warming at the feeling of his thumb swashing over my hand.
I still can't get over the feeling of my hand being held. "I recommend you take those therapy sessions so you can get better, you won't talk about it and you can't keep it in" I sigh because I know that. I know I have to say something Hoseok, but how do I?
"How do I tell them how I feel if I don't even know how to say it Hoseok" I question hearing my own voice fall. "I believe you do know what to say it your just scared" he speaks as if he knows every little thing about me.
My heartbeat thumps fast, every time he speaks I can't say correct words things just blurt out. I can't speak as my mind goes into a endless loop. I feel like he knows how am I but doesn't want to say he's waiting for me to say something.
"I tried to talk about it, people judge me they laugh they just don't care like how I care about myself why even say something when there gonna abandon me" is that what you want Hoseok!
Are you gonna abandon me? Huh Hoseok! Gonna leave me, just want me to say something so you can what? Make a joke outta me?
"Gonna do that to me Hoseok, all my life that's all I been is some fucking diary people use me they just pour all there emotions on me and except me not be sad either I give them all the words to lift them up but never get the same back so then I go behind there back and cut myself because for fucks sake I ain't got nobody they all lie, I tried and tried reaching out but they say the same thing."
"I'm sorry Yoongi it's gonna be okay, oh Yoongi your gonna be fine just gotta keep going, I'm always here Yoongi, yoongi don't feel that way, why are you feeling like that you are literally such a great person don't feel sad Yoongi, well guess what society that doesn't fucking work in fact that makes me want to slit my throat but if I say that then I get put into a room and talk about some made up feelings I don't want that."
I pull my hand away from his blinking down as hot tears fell down into my clothes, there not even clothes it's some weird hospital gown.
"What do you want?" he whispers watching as my cries turn into sobs, "some to just hold me and love me so much more then I love myself, I want to wake up with someone next to me, I want to go to sleep with someone holding me, I want to talk about every little thing, I wanna laugh at the tv for once, I want to dip my hand in the chip bag and accidentally brush hands with them and we end up kissing each other while holding hands because fuck there hand feels so good against mine" I cry pulling the blankets over me.
