5:35pm
"Where have you been, I mean I know you disappear on me for a couple days but it's been weeks what happened" he ask in such a concerning way I hope it's all real. "Can we talk somewhere but not at your house" I ask hoping I didn't say anything too offensive, I'm not comfortable to go to his house even though I'm staying with Hoseok.
"Here is fine right?" I nod and open my studio door letting us take our seats. "Joon I can't just spill out to you all in one sitting but I can tell you how I been feeling" I state turning on my lights for once. Surprisingly my eyes didn't burn.
"I guess everyone can tell how I been acting lately, Joon I just felt very alone and unwanted so I tried fixing that on my own and fucked up but don't worry I'm on the road of fixing myself" is all I say which is pure crap. Horrible explanation of weeks of me being missing, but I just feel like that's all I need to say even though I need to say everything.
"What? Yoongi that explanation is ass for weeks you left me and then come back with that what the hell, makes no sense tell me the real truth" I know he's angry. Damn it Joon why do see through me like a glass bottle. I'm afraid to say the truth.
But Minjun suggested I talk to namjoon first to make things easier for me, but it's hard. Instead of fighting against myself I just turn my computer on "don't put thought into it just know I'm getting better okay" I reply login into my computer, he shuts my computer off.
"This isn't some work relationship Yoongs okay this me Joon your friend for years tell me what's up" and that's where I burst because namjoon actually set off a firecracker in me.
"You push and push me out and then you give me bull crap excuses come on Yoongs talk to me you know I'm not like anyone else" Namjoon speaks once again. I grip my sleeves "I almost killed my self! okay is that what you wanna hear I slit my wrist because I'm tired of this shit alright shit Joon" I broke down covering my face with my sleeves.
I hated the silence and that's all Joon was giving me was silence. "Im sorry for pushing you I'm just afraid your gonna leave me like everyone else" I finally mutter out stilling covering my face. "Shit Yoongs, shit" he whispers and scoots his chair towards me.
"You know me deep down I know you know that I wouldn't leave you ever, I would have been done that after that freestyle you did in my face basically handed me my ass that day" me and him chuckle. He made me laugh through the darkness, I hate it when people compare me and Joon together our style of rapping is kind of different to me I think we meet at a level. He has taught some stuff about music, things I didn't know and I'm older then him.
"But for real Yoongs I'm your friend I wouldn't leave you no matter what you always got me, even though it seems as if I don't know you Yoongs I do know every single thing about you" he replies patting my back. "Shit Yoongs, everyone told me about you and how you just seemed more off, if I just made an extra effort to show how much I truly do care about you..." I didn't need him to finish.
"It's my fault for not talking to you Joon I'm sorry, I feel selfish and guilty as well knowing that you have problems too I just ignored your hand instead of us talking about it together" now I feel like I can breathe properly again. "Don't blame yourself it's not our fault let's just say it was a hard bandaid on a scar that will heal properly with some good tlc" Namjoon made me smile; beside Hoseok he made me smile.
He pulls me into a hug patting my back hard, "I'm in therapy I'm changing" I whisper and for some reason I feel even smaller in this hug. "Thank you" he whispers back burying himself into me.
