3:45am
"We got a steady heartbeat let's hurry and make it to the hospital" one paramedic say already opening the bathroom door. Even though Yoongi was out of his mind he knew people were outside staring, asking what happen he hated the attention.
"Sir are you awake" I start pushing people hands away. As I was rushed into the emergency room "do you have any family members to call" damn the hospital is so bright. I can barely even see anything its too blurry for me "no I don't have anyone" I mutter before falling unconscious again.
Wednesday 9:02am
"Yoongi, sir, you almost died" wow as if I didn't know that doc actually next time just take the damn scissors and stab them in my chest would ya fucking idiot. "Yeah almost I should've" he sighs sitting at the edge of my bed. "If it wasn't for the cutting you would have died from the lack of food and water in you those chip bags and sodas aren't gonna let you make it" my eyes roll as I look the other way.
No shit Sherlock, I'm regretting everything right about now. "Don't you think I know that doc look just let me be so I can get outta here okay, and no I don't want a therapist I want to be alone Jesus Christ don't you think I know what I could've done and not done just get out my room" I didn't mean to be so rude and disrespectful but there's a lot on my mind.
I rolled onto my side as hot tears ran down my cheek. Ever since that night I just keep thinking about Hoseok, not to be the big fantasy or anything but the guy really saved me. And I know I want to be dead but that's just a thought I don't ever want to put into action again.
If I ever do attempt a suicide I would actually do it make it real simple. Just cut a main vein to get everything over with. But I thought about everything, my family, my friend, I thought about how would my life be if I weren't here anymore.
I do need help, I need a therapist maybe and some god damn meds because I'm out of my mind. But I deny it all because I just feel as it's no use.
When I was talking to Hoseok he made me feel not alone. He gave me strength to keep going, he made me smile after years of the same sad frown, I laughed and smiled. But I know I will never see or hear from him again, I would search for him but I have no time or energy it's just a once in a life time thing.
I touch my wrist band seeing the faint scars on my arm, I never cut on my wrist because I know people would see. I cut my thighs because there pale and never get shown but that night I didn't even take off my coat thats how gone I was.
I still don't know what to do now, dying is scary you think about all the good, bad, and in between times. But then again I really just don't want to be here there's nothing else for me. Everything gonna go back to normal well not normal but how it was before just more lonely since everyone has completely forgotten about me.
