Tuesday 3:45pm
A month, a month free of negative thoughts, a month free since I have self harmed myself. A whole month I have been clean. Everyone around me is saying I look better my skin is actually having some color, my hair looks full and healthy, I gained at least two pounds from Hoseok constantly feeding me until I almost exploded.
I'm trying, not fully recovered but I am taking things step by step, I'm glad because Joon talked to me about his struggles. And I listened, and he listened to me like how real friends do. He didn't judge at all, didn't make fun or cut me off to flip things on him. Of course I would never act like that but just makes me feel warm knowing he cares just as much as I do.
Been a month since I been in with Hoseok and not as relationships wise. Friends wise even though I hate every second of it, I'm embarrassed from how fast I caught feelings but I did. My crush for him is ridiculous but I don't care because me having a crush on him makes me feel so good. I feel like a brand new person.
6:11pm
"You sure your okay here by yourself I'm suppose to be watching you" Hoseok ask parking his car infront of my mother house. "I have to talk to them, I promise if something goes wrong then I'll call" I reassure clicking my seatbelt off and unlocking my door.
"Okay" he replies and watches as I leave his truck, I stand on the curb waving for him to drive off. He waves through his window and drives off, I just stand there watching his black truck drive out of view.
I turn around mentally preparing myself for what I'm going to walk into, this could go very bad or kind of good. I'm leaning towards the kind of good, I pull out my house key in my pocket opening the door entering the house.
House is dirty and dark, so many bills on the dinning table, house smells not too good. I place my backpack down heading down the hall to my mother room, her bed was very messy along with her room. She wasn't in her bed.
I look at her dresser seeing the stuff that was in her purse was scattered all over the wooded surface. "Jae I don't have anymore money okay" my mother voice sounds so broken like she was yelling and then cried.
"Mom it's me" I say turning around. Her eyes widen she comes over to me with open arms. I just look around her room clearly there was an argument here before I came "oh dumpling" she buried herself into me. I hug her back weakly "mom what happen?" I ask as she pulls back grabbing my face.
"Your getting so much bigger you are truly turning into a dumpling" she smiles rubbing her thumbs along my cheek. I grab her wrist pulling her hands down, she looks at my wrist "what happen to you" she practically screams grabbing both of my wrist.
I pull away covering them "dumpling" she grabs me again hugging me, "please talk to me" she whispers.
9:34pm
I didn't talk to her about my wrist I'm glad she's not bringing it up. "Mom it's a mess in here what's been happening" I ask following her into the kitchen, she opens the fridge grabbing a bottle. I look away digging my fingers into my sleeve, "jae happened he stresses me out, oh dumpling I'm so glad your here it's been so long" she cries trying to walk past me but I grab her shoulder softly.
"Mom for now umm let's just talk without this okay" I ask taking the bottle out her hand, she looks at me and then at my hands. She sighs and pulls out a chair sitting down harshly "whats been going on" I ask quietly.
"Everything dumpling, bills, more bills, Jae been all on me, your grandmother is beginning to become an handful, Father is being the asshole he always is" she complains as I grab her hand.
"How long are you staying dumpling" she ask looking at me, "for a little bit" I reply standing up. "I'm gonna make us something to eat okay" she nods and watches as I look in the freezer. There was nothing in here but rotten food and liquor. "Okay well I'll order us some food okay" she smiles and heads to the couch.
I enter my room grabbing my phone, I should call Hoseok first I need some laughter right about now. "Hey bub you doing okay" god this man can take some weight off my chest. "Not really it's hard trying to talk to her but I'll just wait until tomorrow" I reply looking out into the hallway to see her on the couch pouring her a glass on some left over liquor.
"Well I have to go I just wanted to hear your voice" I said focusing back into the phone, "aww that's the nicest thing you said to me" Hoseok replies. I laugh, and he laughs because he knows just how to make me feel better. "Thank you" I say before hanging up.
