Rose [S.M]

Godsent

"It's nice out here." I say with the sound of the waves crashing in the background. It's around 9 o'clock in the evening. The whole day we didn't do much. Eating and relaxing. Nothing too crazy. Shawn told me that we are somewhere in a private residential area in Malibu, were all the 'stars' are going, when they need to escape their daily hectic life.

"Yeah. It's quite and peaceful." Shawn says from behind me as we are laying on a lounge bed with me in between his legs, watching the sunset.

"Just what we needed."

"Uhm."- he tightens his arms around me and pulls me closer to him. "How are you holding up?." He says as he nuzzles his nose into my hair.

"I am fine." I say automatically. It's the answer I have been given since I was 17 years old. No matter what is going on in my life, I am always fine. Old habits die hard, I guess.

"And now tell me how you are really feeling. We haven't really talked about the whole paparazzi incident." There is a reason behind that, you know. Whenever I think about it, I immediately feel the anxiety rising. The thought of having to deal with this for the rest of my life, well as long as I am with Shawn, scares the shit out of me. "And please don't say that it wasn't a big deal. I know you. You are probably thinking about it constantly."

"I don't want to think about it."- I say honestly. "It makes me sick to my stomach. I have never felt so chased in my entire life. I had no where to go...I..."-

"Relax. Keep breathing baby." I take a couple deep breaths as Shawn intertwine our fingers together. "Why don't you talk about things like this?." He continues, after my breathing is calm again.

I shrugs my shoulders. It's not that I don't know the reason behind it but it's because I know that the truth is going to hurt him.

"Is that, that you don't know or that you know but don't want to tell me?."

"A little bit of both."

"We promised each other to be truthful. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I am a big boy. You don't have to protect me."

I turn around in his arms so, that I can look him in his eyes. "It's not that I don't want to tell you. It's just that I don't know how I feel about everything.."-

"Are you doubting me?." He says quickly.

"Relax."- I press my finger against his lips, to shut him up. "If you would have let me finish, you would know that I was going to say that this whole world I am suddenly in, is a lot to take in, as you can imagine but that there is no hair on my head that is ever regretting you."

He visibly relaxes. "Why don't you want to tell me then? I want to help you. That is my job."

"I know you want to but some things I need to figure out on my own. Don't get upset and think that I do not trust you because you know that you are the one I trust the most in this world. I just need some time baby. Don't worry about it too much."

He sighs and cup my jaw. "Are you 100% sure that it's nothing too bad?."

"No, it's not. Just some inner demons I have to come to peace with. Everyone has them."

"Okay, I trust you. Just know that whenever you're ready to talk about it, that you can always come to me. No matter what time, okay?."

"I know. Thank you for giving me some space. I love you." I say as I rest my head on his chest.

"I love you too."- he mutters as he kiss the top of my head. "More than you will ever know."

"What are you doing?." I giggle as Shawn pulls his shirt over his head. After the sunset, Shawn though that it would be romantic to do a late night stroll over the beach. Maybe not the best idea because we don't really know this area but yeah, I blame the bottle of wine we consumed earlier on.