Rose [S.M]

Truth time

Do I want to tell him? It's not something a lot of people know. Actually nobody knows, except for Anna. I am really ashamed about it. Even though, it's not my fault at all but on the other side, if we are going to continue with our 'relationship', he has the right to know what is going on in my life and why I react the way I do to certain situations. The things you go through, leave their marks. At least, it did in my life.

"If you don't want to tell me, that is fine but I really want to be enable to help you and to understand you better." Why is Shawn to most understanding and sweet person I have ever meet? If he was a douce about it, it would be easier to say no.

"I hate to talk about it." I always have pushed those feelings away and ignore it. I know that you cannot keep everything locked up inside but it's the easiest thing to do.

"I know but maybe it's good to get it off your chest. You are one of the strongest people I know but even the toughest people need to vent their hearts sometimes."

"You are pretty amazing to me."- I turn my head slightly to look at him since I am still leaning against his chest. "I really appreciate everything you do."

"You deserve everything and more baby." He smiles at me and kiss the side of my head.

I turn back into my previous position and sigh softly.

"Me and my mom have a strange relationship. Ever since I can remember we always thought differently about things. Where I go left, she goes right. So, we always had our struggles but I always respected her, you know. She is maybe not the best mother there is out there but she gets shit done. I always admire her for that..."- Okay... here goes nothing. "But that all changed a couple of years ago. Lily was sleeping at a friends house, dad was for work abroad and I was supposed to stay over at Anna's but we got into a little disagreement about something stupid and I went home... I umm... got home and saw some shoes standing in the hallway I had never saw before... I umm."

"Relax baby. Breath." Shawn wrap his arms tightly around me.

I take a deep breath and continue with the story. "So, I looked for her but I couldn't find her anywhere, that was until I walked upstairs and heard moans coming from my parents bedroom. My dad wasn't even in the country so, I knew something was going on. Without thinking I opened the door of their bedroom and found my mother in bed with my fathers best friend..."

"Jesus Christ..."-

"Hold on. It gets worse."- if that was the only thing I wouldn't have felt so guilty towards my dad. Believe me, I wish it was. "Of course she freaked out when she saw me standing there. She made me sit down and I had to promise to her that I would never tell my father about it and if I did, that I would be to blame for that the family would have fallen apart. I was just 15 at the time and I didn't really knew better. Now that I am older I regret it that I didn't told my dad straight away because now it's simply too hard and too late to tell my dad." How do you break it to someone that you have been lying to them for the last couple of years?

"That was a horrible thing your mother did to you. She should have never ever had put you in that situation."- well, that is my mother. The master in manipulation. "So, your dad still doesn't know after all these years?." He continues.

I shake my head and close my eyes. If you are keeping such a big secret for one of the people you love the most in this world, it's almost impossible to look into the mirror and think that you are a good person. "This secret eats me up alive everyday."

"It's not your fault, Rose."

"No, it's not my fault but I do have a part in this. I am helping her to keep the lie alive." I am not completely innocent. I of course can call my dad up right now and confess everything but what good will it do? How do you tell someone that he has been living in a lie for the past 5 years? "She is not only doing this to my father but also to me. This whole cheating thing really made an impact on me and my life. If you cannot trust the people who gave you live, then who is there to trust?."