Rose [S.M]

Breaking bonds and building bonds

It's deathly quiet in the room. The only source of sound, is generated by Shawn's deeply inhaling and exhaling and my soft sobs. Relationships aren't easy, you know. And the whole being in the public eye... yeah that doesn't help either.

Shawn and I had a talk. We had too. Especially after last night. We cannot go on like this. It's like a circle. We fight, we make up, we are extremely in love for a while but then it's the circle over again. We have to figure out what we want because I don't know how much longer I can handle this.

I look to my side, to see the unconscious body of Shawn next to me. Every few seconds, a loud snore echoes through the hotel room. Side effect of alcohol. Shawn always has it when he drinks.

Why do we keep fighting? Especially since we are soo in love with one another. It feels like I our relationship is like a vicious circle and the fights will never stop. I would have thought that after a good night sleep, everything would have been fine. That I would have felt fine but I don't... I am more confused and I don't know what to do.

What I do figured out, is that our fights mostly happen because we simply don't understand each other. Lack of communication isn't the reason... well, not the main reason of our problems. I wish it was though. That would have been something you could work on but not understanding someone else's way of viewing life... yeah, that is a problem.

Shawn and I simply live in complete different worlds. His life is so much more exciting than mine is. I mean, he has millions of people who follow every step he takes, his best friends are other big names in the industry, who I never imagined I would even get close to. He is 20 years old and could stop working today and be fine for the rest of his life, if he wanted too. He lives a complete different life from mine and I sometimes wonder if those two life's can live together or that they will clash.

A deep groan pulls me out of my thoughts. I turn my head back to Shawn, as I watch him slowly come back to life.

"Fuck." He mutters and throw his arm over his eyes, to block the daylight out. Yeah, a hangover and daylight aren't such good friends.

I keep my mouth shut. Mostly for the reason that I don't know what I should say to him. What is he going to say? How does he feel after last night? Millions of questions are running through my mind and for non I have an answer.

"Do you want some painkillers?." I finally manage to say, after a couple of minutes.

He pulls his arm away, almost immediately and stare at me with wide eyes. He recovers quickly and nod his head. "Yes, please."

I can feel his eyes on my back, as I get out of the bed and walk across the room in my little satin, pink pjs. Out of my toiletries bag, I grab some painkillers that will do the trick and walk back to the bed. I grab the bottle of water from my nightstand and sign for him to sit up. With some soft groans in discomfort, he sits up and rest his body against the headrest of the bed. His bare chest completely on show.

I sit on my knees on the bed and hand him the painkillers. "Thank you." He says softly, as he also probably feel the tension in the room.

"No problem." The words almost get so softly out of my mouth that you cannot hear it. I watch him drown the pills. He close the water bottle and put it on his nightstand. As he turns around, his eyes quickly find mine before he looks away and rub his face.

"I fucked up."- he says as he looks up from his hands. "Didn't I?."

"No."- I say honestly. It's not all his fault. It's mine too. "But I do think that we need to talk."-