Rose [S.M]

Suspicious

I am lost in my own thoughts as I am staring through the window of the car at the bypassing coastline of Malibu. These two couple of days have been such an emotional roller coaster. It will probably take a while to process everything. In a good way, of course. I probably have to fill you guys in on some blanks... what was the last time we have spoken? O yeah, last night. When Shawn gave me the ring. O boy, that was something, wasn't it? It was a surprise, that's for sure. He didn't disappoint.

Is it weird that I had to think about it for a second? The 'promise' and everything. It probably is but I have to be honest with you guys. It freaked me out. Like big time. Not for the reason that you probably think. God no, it has nothing to do with Shawn. Well... not directly. I love Shawn. I really do. You see, I never really experienced a good marriage. I mean, look at my parents. They supposed to be my example in life. I know 1 thing for sure and that is that I never want a relationship like my parents. With all the lying and stuff. Hell no. It's just that I am scared. The whole marriage thing, it just freaks me out. Every example of a marriage I have in my life is just a bad one. I don't want that to happen to Shawn and I. That was the reason why I didn't immediately said yes when he asked me. He was bummed but you know what I did? I talked about my feelings. Yes, you are reading it right. Me, Rose, I talked about my feelings with Shawn. We actually sat down and we talked, like normal human beings do. Well, if that doesn't deserve a price, Then I don't know what else do.

I explained him where I was coming from and what my concerns are. I talked, he listened and I listened when he talked. And you know what? We actually figured it out together. Who knew that communication is so important in a relationship. <— jokes. (Of course, I knew. Your girl is just stubborn).

But the moral of the story is that we both found out that we are scared but that it's something that actually really feels good. It's not like that he is going to propose tomorrow and that we will get married next week. Not at all. It's just that little bit more secureness we both are looking for.

I look away from the bypassing landscape to the ring on my left hand, that is shining in the sunlight. He did such a good job. The ring is absolutely stunning. Simple and yet timeless. He knows me so well. I don't want to know how much he paid for it but when I saw the box, the ring came with, and I saw the name Harry Winston on it, yeah... I immediately knew what was up. In my head I keep repeating that it is just a normal ring of a couple of hundred dollars because if I knew the real price, I would only feel guilty... but I promised Shawn that I am not going to say anything and just accept the ring. So, I keep my mouth shut like a good girl and didn't rain on his parade.

"What are you thinking about?." I pull myself out off my thoughts and turn my head to look at Shawn, who is looking back and forward between me and the road.

"Just admiring the ring."- I am not lying, that was what I was doing. Short off... "You did such a good job."

"You deserve it." He says in the most adorable way. He reach for my hand with his, intertwine our fingers and brings my hand to his mouth. First, he place a kiss on my ring and then on my hand. All I can do is look at him and wondering what I have ever did to deserve him.

"I love you, Shawn."

"I love you more, Rose." He immediately says back as he brings our hands down to his lap and keep them there connected.

We are so in love. It's sickening. I know but I cannot help it. I have never felt this way before. It's overwhelming.

"When did you even got the ring?." I will try to keep the sappiness down. I promise.

"When you where in New York."- O God... New York. I am honestly terrified to go back there again. After the whole paparazzi accident. I know that Shawn is never going to let me go there, or anywhere again, without a security team but still... I still feel sick to my stomach when I think about that I have to go back there in a couple of days. Did he bought it before the whole paparazzi thing or after? "I walked around with the idea for a couple of days. I wanted to do something special for you but I didn't knew what. And then the whole accident with the paparazzi happened and I felt so bad. I couldn't protect you. There was nothing I could do and it drove me crazy. I called my dad, to ask for advice. After I explained what happened and I told him that I wanted to do something special for you, he asked me why. I remember that I thought that the question was so weird. You know, what the hell did he meant with why. You get what I am saying?."- Shawn stops for a couple of seconds with his story and looks at me, probably to see if I am still listening. I nod my head and wait for him to continue. "After I asked him what he meant, he said: "why do you want to do something special for her? Do you feel bad? Are you pitying her?."- I am not going to lie, the thought of that did crossed my mind for a split second. "You want to know what my answer was?."- I yet again nod my head, this time my heartbeat speeds up. There is a 50% that I am not going to like what his answer is going to be and that it will ruin everything. "My answer was: "I want to do something special for her because I want that girl to be my wife one day and it's my job to make her happy."