Bechloe - Sanity

Chapter XIII

Beca's POV

I had trouble sleeping last night. I usually fall asleep straight away as soon as my head hits the pillow. I love to sleep. I love my bed. I love naps. Sleeping is the best thing a human being can do. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to achieve such greatness because today is the day where I'm going to spend time with Chloe and her daughter Emily. I'm not one to get nervous either but I am today. I'm not good with kids and there's a lot of pressure on me today. This isn't just any kid - this is Chloe's kid. If I want to have a shot with Chloe, I need to be good with her daughter and I'm scared that I won't be. Chloe says I'll be fine but she doesn't know me as well as I know myself. I've never been good with kids. I always get so awkward around them. I don't understand why anyone would want kids, to be honest. They're just so weird and demanding. Not that I'll tell Chloe that, of course, but I think she already knows how I feel about kids. She's not stupid.

I plan to meet Chloe at eleven so I get up and get ready for the day. I wear my usual style of clothing consisting of jeans, boots, t-shirt, flannel, and my leather jacket. I leave my hair down but I'll bring a hair tie just in case. I'm not sure where we're all going today but if it gets windy I'll put it up. Once I'm ready, I head downstairs and make breakfast. I love breakfast but because I'm so nervous, my appetite isn't normal. I simply have a bowl of cereal instead of my usual bacon and eggs on toast or oatmeal with fruit. I only have a small breakfast and it's all my stomach can manage. I've already been to the bathroom about ten times this morning that's how nervous I am. I just want everything to go well. Again, I don't get nervous like this but I need to impress my girlfriend's daughter. Is it too early to call Chloe my girlfriend? I don't know. I actually don't know what we are. We haven't made anything official yet. I suppose we're waiting to see how things go today. I think today is what makes or breaks Chloe and I. No pressure at all.

Time goes by fast and before I know it, it's time to go to Chloe's. My heart hammers in my chest when I hop in my car and start driving. I hope I'm not like this for the entire day or else I'll be bound to have a heart attack or something. Hopefully, things will be as Chloe says - calm and fine. She says that Emily loves everybody but the girl hasn't met be properly. She doesn't know what I'm like. I know that kids can be good judges of character but they can also be bad ones but Chloe's smart so hopefully Emily is, too. The last thing I want is to ruin my chances with Chloe. I know this sounds cruel but things would be so much easier if Chloe didn't have a daughter. When you're a single parent looking for a partner, it'd be so tough. Lots of people don't want to get with someone who already has a kid. They don't want to look after somebody else's kid, which I kind of feel like, too. I don't want to raise somebody else's child but if all goes well, I might not think of it the same way. Who knows?

My drive to Chloe's house goes by quickly and I pull up outside. My heart is still hammering, now a little faster now that I'm here. I rake my hand through my hair then get out of my car. Let's do this. I lock my car and walk up to Chloe's front door. My legs and hands are trembling, my breathing is laboured, my heart is still pounding, I feel like it's one-thousand degrees outside even though it's a relatively cool day, and I feel a little sick. Why is this happening to me? I feel like I'm going to give my first ever performance in front of a crowd of thousands! I never feel this way before I go out onto a stage. Sure, I get a little anxious but nothing like this. Ugh... I REALLY hope that I'm not like this for the entire day.

Once I get to Chloe's door, I take a steady breath and ring the doorbell. I fiddle with my fingers while I wait for Chloe to answer. It feels like I'm waiting forever outside but Chloe comes to the door, looking beautiful in jeans, boots, a blue button-up shirt with her hair down and wavy. God, she looks so gorgeous. How is it possible for someone to look so good as her? I swear this woman is an angel or something. She is simply glowing. As soon as I see her my heart stops as if I'm seeing her for the first time. Just looking into her bright, blue eyes stuns me. I've never met anyone as beautiful as Chloe. I never knew someone as beautiful as Chloe even existed. Stacie's beautiful, too, but she's nothing like Chloe. Chloe is seriously something else.