Bechloe - Sanity

Chapter XLIII

Beca's POV

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love
No, I don't wanna fall in love
With you

What a wicked game to play
To make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do
To let me dream of you

What a wicked thing to say
You never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do
To make me dream of you

No, I don't wanna fall in love
No, I don't wanna fall in love
No, I don't wanna fall in love
No, I don't wanna fall in love
With you

Another successful song by me. I honestly haven't made so many songs in such a short period of time before in my life. I can see why other artists make so many songs about breakups. It helps get over the pain and a lot of people can relate to them. Whether or not these songs I've been making will go on my next album is still a matter of question but they're a good start. I'm still working on my new album, which I've decided to call 'Sanity'. I'm about half-way through the main song, Sanity but I get too distracted with other ideas.

I know I wasn't happy that Stacie took me to the doctor but I'm glad she did. These anti-depressants have worked quite well and I've slowly been able to get back to how I used to be. It's taken a few weeks but I'm slowly getting there. I've gone back to Mitchell Productions to work on some more music and to listen to the new music that's coming in. It's been good to go back to work since it helps take my mind off Chloe a LOT. It's been a long and bumpy road but I've made it. I still think about Chloe and Emily every now and then but I force myself not to. There's no way I'm going back to that dark state. Chloe and Emily were fun but I have to move on. I'm sure they're both happy with Tom and living the life Chloe's always wanted.

I'm feeling better to the point where I've just gone out for a run and bought some groceries on the way home. I'm going to make a small pasta dish to take to Stacie's tomorrow night. She's invited me over for dinner with her and Aubrey. I was really pleased to hear that Stacie had sorted things out with Aubrey. I know I'm not a huge supporter of Aubrey but she makes Stacie happy and she's actually made Stacie more mature and responsible and Stacie has made Aubrey more fun and less controlling. They compliment each other well. I guess opposites DO attract. I made sure to clarify to Aubrey that what Stacie and I did was a heat of the moment decision that won't be repeated. We were angry, upset, and needed to find release from everything so sleeping together seemed to be the easiest option.

I take the long way home from the store, enjoying the sunshine and listening to my music along the way. I'm not a fan of exercise but it's really helping me mentally and I'll take all the help I can get right now. It's been a huge mental battle getting over Chloe. Stacie and I did a lot of talking, which I dub as therapy sessions, and we, mainly I, came to the conclusion that the hardest part was getting taken away from my comfort zone and being dumped like trash on the side of the road. I got attached to Chloe and to Emily super quickly and they were my family. I felt abandoned and it hurt so much to the point where I got depressed because of it.

Not being with Emily has hurt a lot, too. Every time I see a kid with their mother, I think of Emily. We used to do so much stuff together. She used to be my little partner in crime but now, I'm alone. I still wear the matching friendship bracelet that I got for me, Emily, and Chloe but I'm considering taking it off. I don't know if she's still wearing hers or not. I wouldn't be surprised if she still was. I highly doubt Chloe is. Why would she?