Bechloe - Sanity

Chapter XXXI

Beca's POV

I'm not as angry as I was when I left Chloe's place but I'm still just as hurt. Her words cut me deeply and I don't know if she really meant what she said or not. She was angry and I know you don't mean what you say when you're angry but sometimes you do. The more I think about it, the more it hurts. I've given my life to Emily and Chloe says that I'm not her mother? It hurts like a bitch. I hope Chloe didn't mean it but if she did... what then? I don't know. She's tried calling me and texting me ever since I left but I haven't responded to any of it. I'm just too hurt to talk to her. When you've gone through the hurdles that Chloe and I have gone through, you just don't say that kind of stuff.

I'm back at my place and I've just had my dinner. I was too pissed to eat earlier and too lazy to cook so I just ordered pizza, which hasn't made me feel much better either. I'm sitting on the couch at the moment watching a music channel trying to get my mind off of Chloe but it's not working too well. Everything I see reminds me of her, which sucks. Screw it. I'll just go up to my home studio. I turn off the TV and go to the stairs but the doorbell ringing stops me. For a moment, I wonder who it is but I have a pretty good idea who it might be. It's either Stacie or Chloe and I have a strong feeling it's Chloe since Stacie is currently with Aubrey.

I take a breath then walk to the door and open it and surely enough, it's Chloe.

"What are you doing here?" I sigh.

"To say I'm sorry. Can you let me in so we can talk?" Her eyes glisten into mine and fuck, it's impossible to resist.

"Okay." I step aside and let her enter.

I shut the door and go into the kitchen. I'd usually go into the living room but I don't want to sit next to her.

"Babe, I'm so sorry," she says.

"Did you mean it?"

"No, absolutely not. I was just angry."

"Then why'd you say it?"

"I honestly don't know. All I know is that I was an idiot and I shouldn't have said that you're not her mother because you are. You're the best mother Emily's ever had. You're exactly what she needs in her life. She adores you and she looks up to you. You're amazing with her, Becs, and she loves you so much. You're more of a mother to her than anyone else could ever be."

"Chloe... You hurt me. You really, REALLY hurt me. I've done so much for you and Emily and you go and say that."

"I know," she hangs her head. "I was an idiot."

"I just don't understand why you'd say that. You cut me deeply and I'm still hurting. I know I act tough and that I AM tough but that... that got me."

"Oh, babe," Chloe walks around the kitchen bench and cups my face. "I didn't mean it. I promise. I was angry and I had no idea where that came from. I just get so protective over Emily and I don't see any reason when I'm protecting her. I didn't want to argue with you but we did and I sure as shit didn't mean to say that. I'm so sorry, baby. You ARE Emily's mother and that's all there is to it. You're an amazing mama and Em is SO lucky to have you and I am, too."

Chloe has tears in her eyes and it tugs at my heart. I hate seeing Chloe cry but I'm still hurt.

"You really hurt me, Chlo..." I utter.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. Tell me what I can do. Please. Tell me what I can do to make this right. I didn't mean what I said one bit. I PROMISE."

"I... I just don't want us to make up and then the next time we have an argument, you use that against me."