Bechloe - Sanity

Chapter XLVI

Chloe's POV

It's bedtime and I'm actually really tired. All of the stress, crying, and panic has worn me out. I feel guilty for going to bed but there's nothing I can do. I managed to eat quite a bit of my dinner that Aubrey made for me but not all of it. I've just had a shower and I'm currently in bed. Beca climbs in next to me and she looks extremely cute and sexy in my pjyama shorts and t-shirt. I miss her wearing my clothes and wearing hers. God, we were so good together. We were pretty much living like an old, married couple. I miss it so much but that's my own fault.

"Thank you for staying with me tonight," I say.

"That's okay. I understand."

She leans over the bed, grabs her jacket, and pulls out a small container of pills. She grabs one, pops it in her mouth, and washes it down with the glass of water before putting the pills away.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, why?"

"You never took pills before."

"Yeah, well, I didn't need them before."

She pulls the sheets over her and lies down. She adjusts the pillows how she wants and looks up at the ceiling as I am. There's an awkward silence between us and I feel like she wants to say something but she doesn't so I do.

"Can I ask what they are?"

"What?"

"Your pills."

Beca sighs. "They're antidepressants."

"Antidepressants?"

"Yes."

"What for?" I can't help the worry in my voice.

"I got diagnosed with mild depression a little while ago. I wasn't coping well after we split so Stacie took me to the doctor."

Fuck. Just when I think my heart can't break any more... I did that... Fucking Hell.

"Beca... I... I'm so sorry... I had no idea."

"No, you didn't."

I bite down on my lip to stop myself from crying. I knew Beca was upset about our breakup but minor depression? Fuck, I hate myself. Look what I've done. I'm a monster...

"I'm sorry, Beca... I... I really appreciate you helping me. I need all the help I can get right now," I say.

"Emily's a good kid and I'm not going to sit around and hope that the police take care of everything. Chicago's actually doing some work of his own and looking into things with the resources he's got, which is great. Did he know Emily well?"

"Not overly but he liked playing with her whenever he saw her. They got on well."

"Yeah, he does strike me as a family man. He's quite a caring guy."

"Do you get along with him?"

"I suppose. I only met him that once and again yesterday and he seems like a nice guy. I can see why you dated him."

"Yeah... He was good to me."

"Will you ever get back with him?"

"No."

"No?"

"Chicago's a great guy but things never felt right with him. I always felt like there was something missing with him. Plus, he's a military man so he's abroad a lot. It would be too difficult being with him again. I need someone reliable and someone I can have with me all the time as you know."