Bechloe - Sanity

Chapter XLII

Stacie's POV

I've just returned home from Beca's. I went over there on my way home from one of my shoots to give her some dinner. All she had to do was put it in the microwave then eat up. I know she doesn't like it but I have to check up on her every day. She's got anti-depressants now and she's taking them but I still worry about her. There is only so much medication can do. As Kimmy told me once, medication only puts a bandaid on the problem so it doesn't fix it. It'd be great if I could get Beca into a psychologist to work through everything but there's no way she'll want to see one of them. If she doesn't get better, I'll suggest it and I'll have to work on her to go to one but it'll be a battle regardless. Beca is my best friend and it's my job to worry about her and look after her when she can't do it herself.

It's been a few days since I sent my letter to Aubrey. I lost count of how many times I deleted everything and started again. The whole thing took me a day to write. I wanted to get it perfect and made sure that I had covered everything. I still feel like shit and I just hope Aubrey has read it at least. I don't expect her to but I hope she has. I think I read over my letter a thousand times before I sent it off. I wasn't planning on sending her a letter but after talking with Beca, she told me that if I ever got the chance to get back with Aubrey, I need to look after her and be smart because love hurts and once have the real thing, I need to hold onto it. It was very touching and shocking since Beca pretty much says the opposite of that but she's still hurting and I wish I could help her more.

Since I had a big day today, I get ready for bed early by having a shower and making dinner and just when I'm about to sit in front of the TV and eat, my doorbell rings. I wonder if that's Jessica with my outfit for Wednesday? I've got another shoot on and she said she may need to bring over one of my outfits to make sure it fits and everything. I put my pasta down and go to the door. I should probably put on a dressing gown since I'm only in my pyjama booty shorts and a tank top but it's only Jessica and it's nothing she hasn't seen before. I open the door and I expect to see Jessica but instead, I see Aubrey.

"Bree?"

Aubrey looks me up and down and shakes her head. "You've got to stop wearing such revealing clothing when you answer the door." She steps in and smashes her lips against mine.

Shit! I get knocked back but I hold my hands on her hips and try to process everything before she pulls away.

"What was that for?" I breathe.

"I read your letter."

"You... you did?"

"Yes. It was beautiful. I could tell you meant everything you said and it really meant a lot to me that you did that."

"I'm so sorry, Bree. I hate that I upset you and I know you wanted space but I still wanted you to know that I was thinking about you and I was sorry. I wanted to explain myself whilst still giving you space. I was worried that I had gone too far since I didn't hear from you but you're here now."

"Yes, I am," she smiles softly.

"Come in," I pull her inside, shutting the door behind us, and leading her into the living room. "I just made dinner. Did you want some? Did you want anything to drink?"

"Not right now, thank you."

"Alright," I walk to the couch and sit as does Aubrey. "We'll talk then."

"How have you been?" She asks.

"Not the best. I felt like shit. I STILL feel like shit. I'm so sorry for hurting you, Bree. I'm sorry for doubting you, accusing you, not trusting you, and just leaving without giving you a chance to explain. I'm also so sorry about everything with Beca. I was an idiot and I wasn't thinking. There's no excuse for what I did but I want you to know that I was a moron and I hate myself for hurting you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Bree and I wish I could just turn back time and stop myself from doing those stupid things."