Tutor

Chapter 26 ~ Is This Goodbye? Part 2

a/n: I will be removing some previous author notes, and be heavily re-editing (like typos and stuff) + this chapter may be triggering, so if you feel triggered you should skip past this chapter because you're all beautiful and don't deserve the damage you do to yourselves. (you aren't missing much)

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Eren's POV:

My arms went limp as I felt heat rush through my body. I failed to keep a straight face, displaying my disappointment.

"B... but..."

"I applied for this college before I met you, Eren." The waiter brought us our waters with a smile. I nodded a thank you and took a sip.

"Please don't be sad..." His expression remained the same expressionless look.

"Why did you even bring it up..?"

"I had to break it to you somehow."

"Okay, but why now? Just when everything was going perfect!" The sound of silence hurt my ears, I couldn't stand it. Everything was a blur. I ran out of the dining area and into the bathroom, which thankfully, no one else was in. I locked the door and slid against the shiny white tiled walls. I tightly gripped my hair and let it all out-sobs, screams. I clawed my arms until they started to lightly bleed. I dug my nails deeply into my palms, creating red crescents. I punched my other forearm, failing to hurt myself. Why did I have to grow so attached? Why does this always happen?

I grew attached to everybody. They just leave eventually. Annie left me, now Levi. I felt everyone slowly fading away from me, it's inevitable. Maybe it was my temper, or how clingy I could get, or maybe it was me.

I heard pounding at the door, which I gladly ignored. Standing up, the wall supported my weight. Left foot, right foot. It was sad I had to remind my brain how to walk. The image appeared as a teary faced, sad, and clueless. My head felt light, throbbing ever so slightly.

I managed to use the last of my strength to get myself together, and unlock the door. I pushed past the group of people by the door, and stumbled out of the restaurant.

I don't deserve anyone, or anything. My temper and clinginess gets in my way of having a healthy relationship.

Thirty minutes ago, we walked into this restaurant happy, and so clueless of what would happen. I turned away as I ran to somewhere-anywhere away from here.

~

It was almost eight when I made it back to my house-empty, of course. Maybe my dad didn't want me around anymore.

I tripped on my way to the bathroom, letting out a harsh breath.

I'm on the floor, where I belong.

I drag my worthless self to the bathroom, and slam the door.

I've never really been suicidal, but I had a minor case of depression from here to there. Yes, I have cut before. No, I haven't made an attempt. Not until now.

I wiped the remaining tears off my face and forced myself up, opening the bathroom cabinets.

There wasn't any pills, but I found a pair of scissors.

I spread the handles out, taking one blade to my forearm, pressing as hard as I can and dragging. A stinging sensation hits my arm as I see blood sprout to the surface. It rapidly flows into the sink, creating a small pool. I repeat this until I grow weak. I look at my arms and saw red, so much red.

The edges of my vision blurred as my knees grew weak. I made my way out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, rummaging around for pills. No luck. I slammed the cabinet doors in frustration, kicking a chair over. I fell to my knees, thinking what Levi would do if he saw me like this.

He'd leave, I'm too much of a burden for him, or my dad, or for anyone.

My happiness was artificial. It always was. It masked my hidden pain, and no one ever noticed. Mikasa acted that way, too. She promised she'd get help, but she didn't.

This is the end of me, and I'm not afraid to die.

~

Levi's POV:

I searched frantically for a hidden key, or something.

Come on Levi, think. Where would Eren hide a key?

I rummaged my hand in the soil of a plant. Not only did I dirty my hand, but it was for nothing. I shook off the dirt as I searched around the front door.

Not under the mat, where does this brat keep his keys?

Maybe if I broke the door down it'd be easier then finding a key.

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I rammed my shoulder into the door, falling to the ground. It was open the whole time. The coat rack behind the door clattered beside me.

I rolled into a ball and stood up silently, like a ninja. Behind me, an "oof!" and a thud sounded.

"Hanji what the hell are you doing here?"

"We're detectives, aren't we?" I groaned in irritation.

"It's 11pm, be quiet! And no Hanji, we aren't detectives." She ignored me and nodded towards the set of stairs.

"This way, Watson."

We-actually, I-padded quietly down the stairs, searching for Eren.

Please don't be dead, be anything but dead.

I wish I could redo today. Redo my mistakes, did the things I should've done, just patch up the mistakes.

Hanji tried the door and failed.

"Watson, this door is locked."

"Well what should I do?" She motioned at the door and I hesitated, before ramming into it and taking down another door.

I pushed past her and found Eren underneath a blanket. In his hand was a bottle of something I couldn't quite make out, but there was a shitload of them.

Hanji pulled out a flashlight and shone it onto what appeared to be a bottle of pills.

"Hanji, I think he..." I held back tears I didn't want to spill, not in front of Hanji.

"Well I can't carry him." I picked him up and threw him over my shoulder.

We got out of there as fast as we could and drove to the hospital.

"Please be alive... I can't let you go..." I whispered. Hanji took a sharp turn, knocking me into the car's window.

We got to the ER and I carried Eren bridal style. He was rushed off to a room immediately.

"Hanji..."

"Hm?"

"I... I don't want to let him go..."

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