warning: long ass rant, may be triggering in emotional ways. it's just about his feelings and the affects of him being a titan (which i made up, don't be all up in my face about shit)
-x-
Eren's POV
Today in the mail, I received an invite.
Celebrate the new year with a little fun (and some potatoes)!
Where: 386 Colossal Drive
When: December 31st 8pm
You can bring a date, too!
-Potato Girl
"Sasha invited us to a party!" I didn't like big crowds, the body odor was awfully high, and the awkward situations you get into by going to a party. But it was people I know!
I haven't really told anyone I was dating Levi, accept for Mikasa and Armin.
Little people remember, or even knew, that Levi was my tutor. But who, exactly, would remember? The most douchiest of douches, Jean Kirstein? That idiotic shit. The mere thought of him pisses me off.
Our past has been ragged, he even kissed me at one point-gag-, and he's been switching between Armin and Marco-he's dead now-I don't make any sense of it.
"I'd rather not go to some party tonight, he yawned as he called out from across the room.
"Levi why the f-"
"I don't want to hang out with some punk ass teenagers that think bullying and getting high and laid are the greatest things humanity can offer them."
"So you're basically saying they're douches?"
"Whatever way you want it."
"Can we see Big Hero 6 tonight, then?!" I bounced out of my seat, I was so excited for this movie!
a/n: BH6 is about Hiro (the main character) and a robot that is a health advisor that gives assistance/helps people in need (his name is Baymax, he's a work in progress). It's a really good movie, I'd recommend you seeing it if you have the time + money ^~^
"Isn't that a children's mo-?"
"I AM STILL A KID AT HEART DAMMIT."
"Honestly, I'm not in the mood for shit."
"You suck." He didn't respond. "Levi, c'mon. We can't spend our New Years Eve mad at each other."
"New Years is just a year closer to your death, one less year of living. What's the point of celebrating?"
"Some people want to die. They can't kill themselves, but can't stand to live." Levi cleared his throat, more then desperate to change the subject.
"How're you doing? Your inner titan?" He made a joke about my "Inner Titan", when really he was talking about my freakish ability.
"Honestly, whenever I get mad, I lash out. I can't handle it, like anger is something that can't be held back anymore, there's no patience left. My ability is draining me, and I can't do anything about it. Like, I can see everyone else's relationships flourish and bloom but my anger and hot headed decisions block my way of thinking. As a whole, my personality is fading, the anger is consuming me. School is my last care, everyone's a douche, they're silently judgemental, Mikasa and Armin are losing touch with me because I'm a lame ass person who can't even pay attention to anything for five minutes-heaven knows why! You're the only person I can express my feelings to, not even. Fully, I can't tell you how much I love you, how greatful I am for your presence, and how my mind developed a thinking of how I don't deserve you, and It's so hard to get to you sometimes, it's an everyday battle with myself.
It's always there, a heavy, drooping feeling. It's a mix of social anxiety and depression, or what my mind tells me. Those social situations that I'm put into, saying that I'll "be cured if I face it" doesn't work. Enlightening me with encouragements doesn't cure my depression.
Like, before presentations I get a wave of angst, that times fifty. I get shaky thinking about asking a teacher for assistance, and getting called on in class is terrifying. It's the worse thing I can imagine, stuttering and answering wrong, people thinking: oh Eren's so stupid, he can't even get one question right! Sometimes I-" I started crying. Because I was me. Eren Jaeger. A fuck up.
Levi, of course, was the one there to comfort me, tell me sweet nothings, it was alright. His words were a temporary bandage, and all of this made me wish that I'd turn evil sooner, so I could die sooner.
-x-
ty for reading + maybe check out my other fic? (sorry, i also told you guys about this in the previous chapter) and sorry for the chapter delays, ily all <3
much love,
Grace
YOU ARE READING
Tutor
Fanfiction[FINISHED + AU] Eren Jaeger is failing all of his classes, and the solution? A tutor. As time passes, sparks ignite and romance fizzes. Even if love is love, is it wrong to date your tutor? And how far, is too far? - I do NOT own anything from snk...
