________________________
I'm singing for you
You're screaming at me
It's hard to see your tears
In the pouring rain
________________________
SAN
"Sannie, help me... Please..."
Pain pierces through San's chest the second he wakes up, completely drenched in sweat. He flails his arms and legs around to kick the duvet away, feeling as if he is being suffocated underneath it.
The nightmares have become more frequent recently, more vivid, and he is very well aware of the reason why. This happens every year, when the date he dreads the most comes closer. The real-life nightmare, which has been haunting him for almost ten years, living in his shadow where it only grows stronger while it tears him apart at the same time.
As San sits up in the bed, hand on his chest, his heart might just as well pop right out and into his palm. He has to calm himself down, or his heart will end up exploding from the insane speed it's pumping the blood around in his disstressed body.
"Fuck... Calm down, calm down..." he mumbles to himself, eyes pinched together by the agony of the memories he'll never be able to forget.
With his legs pulled up in front of his trembling body, San rests his elbows against them while diving his fingers through his dark hair. The silence of being alone in his apartment has never been louder, and it only reminds him that this is how he will live the rest of his worthless days.
Alone. Empty.
Only adding onto his already horrible morning, he finds his pack of cigarettes to be empty, and with a frustrated groan he crumbles it up and throws it aggressively onto the floor.
"Can't I catch a fucking break?"
San rolls out of bed, while letting go of various other, more or less creative, swear words. The wooden floor is freezing cold under his bare feet, as he staggers towards the bathroom, but it's not like he cares – his entire body always feels cold anyway.
✧
The thick air inside the nightclub is clinging onto San, overheating his already exhausted body and causing every little movement to feel way more difficult that it should be. He may, or may not, have had a couple of drinks at home before leaving for work – but San still blames his inability to control his own body, on the lack of fresh air inside the poorly ventilated room.
The music also seems louder than usual, hurting his ears as he is stuck inside the never ending noise with every beat of the bass running through his body. There is really only one thing that makes this horrid day just a little easier to get through.
Yeosang bops his head along to the music, his brown hair dancing around his face and when it falls over his eyes, he flips it away with a swift hand movement. He purses his lips together while his eyes are focused on mixing his current cocktail order. San has noticed how the younger always makes that adorable facial expression whenever he is concentrating.
Adorable...
San winces at his own thought and quickly turns his back to Yeosang who is carrying on with work, completely unaware of how San has been staring at him for way too long.
Neither of them has tried to contact the other since they slept together again the previous weekend, and San can't quite figure out how he feels about it. It's killing him how the attraction towards Yeosang only seems to become stronger each time they see each other. San usually loses interest in whoever he sleeps with as soon as it's over, but there's just something so alluring about Yeosang, which can't be explained.
YOU ARE READING
𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐥𝐨𝐰 || sansang
Fanfiction[completed] To San, life is just like a game where everyone loses in the end. Until he meets Yeosang; a guy with stars in his eyes, but a broken heart hidden in his chest.
