_______________________
Just the fact
That we were in love
No matter how much time passes
I'll remember
_______________________
SAN
The days feel like years, and San is convinced he could've stared a hole in the wall from the endless amount of times he has been staring at it. By now his mind is slowly starting to come together again, and so is his body. The pain, the cravings, the tears and the frustrated outbursts have all calmed down. Instead he just feels... Empty.
Inside of him is a big void that can't be closed, nor filled up - not since Yeosang left his side. He understood, and still understands, why things turned out the way they did, he knows it was for the best. But that doesn't mean it hurts any less.
As time passes by, his memories with Yeosang start to fade. Not much, but he has noticed the difference. He might soon have forgotten how the younger's touch felt against his skin, how the brown eyes sparkled when they looked at him, and how the smooth voice would purr into his ear when they were lying in bed. But one thing is still clear in his memory; he loves Yeosang with all of his heart, and he will do anything to get him back.
The 90 days of his time in the rehab facility are coming to an end, but the life that is waiting for him on the other side is scaring him to death. Hyunjin and Felix have both been visiting him as much as they could, which warmed the heart in his chest that otherwise felt so cold.
Not a single day has gone by without him thinking about Yeosang. Without any access to the internet, San has been unable to keep track of what the younger is doing, but maybe that is all for the better anyway - although it has been killing him on the inside, to live in the unknown. Despite that, he has kept that particular name silent when his friends have visited - and so have they.
Leaving a life that seemed like an endless party, getting wasted almost every single day and sleeping with anyone he wanted - sitting in the silence of this small room was something San never thought he'd get used to. But somehow, he has ended up enjoying the silence. The calmness. Even the group sessions he was forced to attend had become rather pleasant in the end, and the solidarity he felt has taught him he wasn't alone.
"Are you ready?" Hyunjin asks, the day he has come to pick San up and bring him home.
San nods slowly, yanking the strap of his shoulder bag before following Hyunjin to the bus stop.
"Thanks for picking me up," he silently mutters, as he walks behind his friend.
"Of course! That's what's friends are for!" Hyunjin takes a step back, to walk besides San, putting his arm around him as they walk down the street.
The autumn wind calmly stroking San's cheeks, and he looks up at the sun shining through the orange leaves of the trees towering around them.
San smiles, peeking at Hyunjin who is busy talking about how awesome it's going to be for the two of them to live together. Yes, Hyunjin is indeed the best friend anyone could ask for, even finding a bigger place to live in, so that he and San can live together as he doesn't want San to live alone when he comes home.
"But I have to warn you!" Hyunjin says, nudging his head against San's, "Felix will be there, a lot! He's already been there almost every day, and he is eating all my food!"
YOU ARE READING
𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐥𝐨𝐰 || sansang
Fanfiction[completed] To San, life is just like a game where everyone loses in the end. Until he meets Yeosang; a guy with stars in his eyes, but a broken heart hidden in his chest.
