𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐥𝐨𝐰 || sansang

39⋆Letting go

__________________________

No one can rewrite the stars
How can you say you'll be mine?
Everything keeps us apart
And I'm not the one
You were meant to find

__________________________

YEOSANG

Yeosang used to be someone who felt every emotion so very deeply, as if his feelings were running through his veins - as if it was what kept him alive and going. He used to believe in the silly thing called love, maybe it had been from growing up in a loving and caring family, his parents' healthy and happy marriage being an inspiration to him. A motivation to find the same.

If there was one thing Yeosang had always wanted, it was to find true love himself. In his mind lived a foolish dream, of a fairytale life with a cheesy proposal from a man who would love him endlessly. But as years have gone by, he has learnt that love doesn't come easy. Not to him at least.

And for the first time in his life, Yeosang feels completely empty inside - and not only because of the drugs that keep his body from hurting after being crushed outside the airport. But maybe... Maybe the last spark of hope has finally left him?

But in the dark eyes that so anxiously are looking at him, in the dimmed light of the hospital room, he sees something reflecting - a glimpse of the hope he used to have himself.

"Yeosang... I'm Choi San and..." As his head tilts downwards the dark hair falls over his eyes, covering the hurt, but it still lingers in his voice as he goes on, "Even if you don't remember me now, I hope that you from this day forward will remember this; I love you, more than anything and anyone. And I will make things right, I promise you that."

A hesitant hand is reached towards Yeosang's, and he lets his own be embraced, fingers intertwined. His body is too weak to protest, but the warmth against his skin convinces him that he wouldn't want to anyway. San holds his hands tightly, as he sits down in the chair next to the hospital bed.

"I know I fucked up, a lot of times, probably more times than when I didn't... And I know I hurt you, even if I didn't mean to. I'm a fucked up being, but I want to change... I really do... So... I will tell you something that I've never told anyone before..."

San's eyes fall to the floor, as he continues on, starting from the day he lost his sister. Yeosang feels a lump forming in his throat, as he sees the tears well up in the dark eyes, and the story of how San's twin sister so tragically died when they were sixteen years old. A loss no one should ever feel in such a young age. But as the story goes on, Yeosang's heart breaks more and more.

Yeosang briefly looks at Hyunjin and Felix, who are standing like frozen by the end of the bed. A painful look is unfolding on both of their faces, as the story they never have heard either is being told with a shaking voice.

"My brother has always hated me, blaming me not only for stealing the attention from him when we were younger, but also getting all of Sana's love. She never got along with him, although he tried to force that strong sibling bond between them. When she passed away, he blamed me. It was my fault, I should've known better than to go to that party with her, I should've protected her. I should've been the one who died, not her."

San's brother had yelled hateful words at him every time they were home alone, he had beat San up at any given chance he got. The hatred from his brother and the pain of losing his sister had become too much for San to handle, resulting in one horrible decision in the darkest hour of his life. He slit his arm open, watched how the blood ran down onto the floor until he fell onto his knees in the middle of the red pool on the tiles. His mother had found him, crying and screaming, but her voice had faded as darkness took over.