Our Little Secret

Chapter 72

Sarah
I awake feeling just as troubled as I did going to bed last night. I still can't comprehend what exactly happened between Jack and I.

Well we had sex, obviously. But why did I let it happen? Am I really that shallow and weak as a person that I let him do whatever he wants with me? I'd never let a guy treat me like that normally, obviously I'm not at my right state of my mind. I must have completely lost it actually.

Jack has been nothing but a total jerk towards me and yet I let him on like that? Oh my god, I'm disgusted with myself.

Feeling like utter shit I get up from my bed and start to make myself ready for the day. I know that I'll bump into Jack at breakfast and it makes me cringe.

Things are so weird between us that I'm starting to lose it. I don't know how much more I can take of all this, I just don't have anymore energy left with all this going back and forth thing.

I'm glad that it'll soon be time for Christmas break, but at the same time I don't want to run around the house all day long along with Jack and I don't think he's too keen about it either. What a great situation we've gotten ourselves into.

Not wanting to bother myself with anymore of these thoughts I ready my breakfast and sit down at the table. To my big surprise Jack never shows up, he's probably my avoiding me or maybe he overslept. I won't wake that sorry ass.

When I'm finally ready to leave, Jack still hasn't showed up and so I decide to drive to school without him. I feel nothing but satisfied to have left him behind, I hope he gets in trouble for skipping school.

Probably not since he's done it so much, the teachers know what to expect from him and so should I really. Feeling even angrier with myself for letting Jack use me however he wants, I turn up the music to get rid of all disturbing thoughts.

I've managed to go through the whole morning without thinking more of Jack and all my troubles. Keira and I sit together as usual in our shared classes, but we barely speak. The air is thick between us, we both know that our friendship is somewhat over. We've barely hung out together since I started talking to Cameron.

I think Keira despises me for even giving Cameron and Jack a chance and I myself am sick and tired of her lecturing me about how I should act and behave. We have reached a point where we aren't really friends anymore, but neither of us have the guts to sit somewhere else.

Sam, Keira and I are seated in the cafeteria and Sam desperately tries to engage both of us in the same conversation but it's hopeless. I'm not feeling very chatty and therefore let them do the talking. Keira has invited some of her friends to sit with us.

Before I counted them as my friends as well, but ever since things have gotten weird between Keira and I they've started to give me odd glances. I bet they talk shit about me behind my back. I try to ignore them the best I can, but sometimes it's hard. If they wish to make me feel uneasy they sure succeed.

I would feel better if things between Jack and I were better, I know they judge me because of him. God knows what Keira has told them! If things were better between Jack and I, I wouldn't feel so terrible every time someone send me one of their condescending looks.

Now it just feels as if Keira was right and that I've been a fool to even try with Jack. I bet she feels very satisfied with how everything has turned out. Even though she knows very little about what goes on in my life, she can probably tell that things aren't that great between Jack and I. Anyone can see that because it looks just like it did before he moved in, we barely talk now and we barely talked then. It's just all that other stuff that has happened between us.